Sticky Set-up

Wednesday, March 30, 2005

As difficult as it is to keep, maintain and nurture relationships, it's even more difficult to create and jumpstart new ones. Hardly are we able to connect right away with some person whom we've just met. Not often are we able to fully establish a comfortable and open relationship with people whom we've known all our lives so what more can we expect with some random person?

The typical situation would have been first getting to know each other in the hopes of getting pass the so called awkward stage and moving on to a blossoming friendship. Finding some common ground is where it initially starts. However, we can't expect budding friendships and/or relationships all the time with every person who crosses our paths. Some acquaintances remain nothing more than what they are. However, sometimes it takes a longer period of time for fate to play out and in some special cases or instances, all it takes are second chances.

The atypical situation is when you're forced to live with some person who you barely know. Imagine not just sharing an apartment or having to share a bathroom but think worse case scenario - having to sleep in just one bed (yikees!) and the situation worsens as personalities start to "silently" clash. As if having entirely opposite personalities isn't bad enough, it couldn't get any better as you begin to discover that the other person have some really weird habits and annoying traits. I'm not ruling out the possibility though that the other person may think and feel negatively towards me too. I suppose she may have some hidden disliking towards me but the truth of the matter is, I don't really care. We surprisingly get along just fine but I don’t think our so called friendship can withstand the test of time – I’m referring to my patience that is. I actually have nothing against the other person. Although the other person is usually nice and occasionally chatty and we’re more than okay, but the problem is as simple as having two very different personalities and having to force yourself to get along perfectly well with that person day in and day out and forge what will supposedly be termed as a non-friction/smooth-sailing relationship. In all fairness though, it's not all bad. We have some good days too. Who knows we might end up being good colleagues after all and overcome our differences as fate would have it. In the meantime though, I have to suck it up and deal with the situation in the best possible way that I can. Real tough luck but whoever said it was going to be easy anyway?

Allergic Reaction

Tuesday, March 22, 2005

Have you ever felt like having an allergic reaction towards something? No matter how funny or weird this may sound, I think guys or men have some sort of “allergic” – for lack of a better word – reaction to me. I don’t know why. I take a bath everyday and I brush my teeth as what any normal person would do. Perhaps I’m missing something out. Whatever the reason may be, I’m totally clueless. I don’t know if I’m doing something wrong or if I’m sending a different signal. Possibly, the signal is too weak for them to even detect or notice (haha). I admittedly blame myself for the fact that I’m very shy and may often come off as aloof. I rarely initiate conversations and I’m usually self-conscious. However, I’m slowly learning to come out of my shell and be more open minded about these kinds of things. I can now say that the effort to reach out and communicate is there. Believe me, I try. I can’t seem to understand though that for the odd and few times that I feel like being friendly or sociable towards them, I can’t seem to get any reaction at all or even a typical reaction – the least. I could only get a word or two, nothing more and nothing less. I mean it’s not like my intentions are something out of the ordinary – it's as platonic as it can be, no malice or any romantic intentions whatsoever. Really, it’s just purely for conversation’s sake or in some really good cases, just wanting to know a person more. It frustrates me how unresponsive men can be. I couldn’t get them to respond the way I want them to or I expect them to be. I mean, come on…it’s not like I’m hitting on them and I want a relationship (duh!). From a conservative’s point of view, men should generally (take note: not all the time but usually) be the initiators. Meaning, they should make the first move whatever their intentions may be – whether as friends or anything more than that. I’ve always believe that real good men are those who know how to treat a girl or woman right regardless of the status and degree of their relationship. The problem lies in the fact that most men choose specifically who they want to treat right. I mean I don’t expect men to treat all women like queens or extra special – basic proper etiquette and manners will do (jeez!). As in my case, I guess men have their own reasons too. Whatever their reasons may be, I can never really tell. Maybe they have to take more vitamins to withstand or counteract whatever tiny allergic reaction that I may cause. But then again, maybe it’s just me - so what else is new? As some would like to put it, they find me a little too intimidating or unapproachable. Yeah right, I don't think real men get scared that easily. Or just maybe…real men are just damn too hard to find these days.

Self Worth

Monday, March 21, 2005

We're self-conscious beings whether or not we'd want to admit it. To varying degrees, we worry too much of other people's expectations, opinions and perceptions. We become too bothered that we eventually become unsure of our own capabilities and all sorts of doubts start to sink in. We try so hard to change and please others that in the process, we somehow end up losing our sense of self. Therefore, I've gradually adopted the "I don't care" mentality into my life. I know it's not the best solution but it effectively frees me from all the stress of having to think and worry too much. As much as we try to come up with valid reasons or explanations or excuses for everything and anything, we can only do so much to change other people's feelings towards us. It's not about being indifferent or apathetic. It's about getting tired of all the crap. It's about reaching a saturation point of not wanting to be bothered by such trivial and senseless matters. It’s about getting rid of all the excess baggage and feeling much lighter about life and ourselves.

Little Packages

Friday, March 11, 2005

After having a very bad lunch a while ago and after having one bad day after the other, it’s quite refreshing to feel happy about something again.

AXN. I was so delighted that our hotel/apartment has just added AXN – finally a channel that I can relate to. Back home, I’m not much of an AXN fan. I only watch it primarily because of Amazing Race and occasionally whenever I feel like watching Fear Factor or CSI. However, given the circumstances I’m in right now, I consider AXN as the “it” channel for now (haha). Ever since I got here, my TV was always tuned in to CNN. That’s why I can safely say that I’m now well-versed with the world’s events (haha). Coming here to Hong Kong, I was bummed out that I wouldn’t be able to follow the new seasons of Amazing Race, American Idol and Survivor. So I’m so happy now that I’ll get to watch Amazing Race. I’m hoping they’ll also add Star World. After all, I think it has Hong Kong as its headquarters in Asia. Jane, a friend of my sister who’s based here in Hong Kong, also told me that Star World is a staple on Hong Kong TV with or without cable. So how come my TV doesn’t have Star World? Hong Kong cable TV sucks.

Free Wi-Fi. I could actually apply for unlimited Broadband Internet Access in my apartment for 450 HK a month. Jane said that her internet costs only 100 HK a month. It’s so cheap and is as fast as having DSL (100 mbps). As important it is for me to have internet access, I thought it was best not to apply first just in case I might transfer to another single apartment within the month. However, I was so delighted to find out that our hotel/apartment lobby offers free wi-fi. So here I am now…blogging! (heehee!). Now I get to communicate with the outside world and find some sort of amusement for myself here (hehe). I can now check my mails, surf the net and download my favorite TV shows and songs. But since they don’t have power outlets here in the lobby, I have to depend on my laptop’s battery all the time.

My Ipod. It’s a good thing I decided to bring it here. It entertains me whenever I feel really bored or whenever I couldn’t sleep.

For some, these may be just really shallow things but if there’s anything that I’ve learned here after a few days of being by my lonesome self, it’s that as soon as you’re out of your comfort zone, you’ll really learn to truly appreciate even the smallest, silliest and shallowest of things. I've now definitely learned to open and appreciate the little packages that come my way. I'm even surprised to actually find myself smiling over it.

Another Yikes!

We had lunch with our supervisors a while ago at Pizza Hut in City Plaza. All I could say is it was the most awkward moment that I think I’ve ever had thus far. After all that has happened, I think it will still take some time for us to be able to move on...as if nothing ever happened. I guess we can always pretend that everything is alright now but I don’t think both sides will ever forget the “unpleasant incident.” Whether we like it or not and no matter how much denying we do, there’ll always be some awkwardness in the air. It feels weird how both sides have become so careful; obviously not wanting for any "unpleasant incident" to happen again. So you can just imagine how I silently wished so hard for lunch to end as soon as possible. It was like being stuck on a very bad prom date perhaps even worse. Enough said.

On My Own

Thursday, March 10, 2005

For the past 4 days, I’ve been meeting up with my mom and auntie in Pacific Place after my training. I would take a bath in their hotel and have dinner with them. They’re staying at the Island Shangri La. It’s a very nice hotel. I enjoy taking baths there (wahaha). The towels are so clean and white. Their bed is so huge with very clean and white sheets. Sarap! The hotel/apartment I’m staying in is actually not that bad but it’s harder for me because I have to temporarily share the apartment with someone I barely know since the hotel/apartment is already fully booked for the month. What complicates things even more is her mom's staying with us for 2 whole weeks. As much as I was looking forward to having my own apartment, I was left with no other choice but to make the most out of the situation and pray real hard that come April, there will be available rooms. My mom, auntie and cousin just left for Manila a while ago. It’s ironic how I’ve always wanted to be independent and live on my own in a foreign country (just for a couple of months lang naman hehe) and now that opportunity has presented itself, here I am now wishing the exact opposite. Go figure.

Yikes!

Monday, March 07, 2005

Today was our first day of training. It takes us about 15 to 20 minutes walk from our hotel/apartment to the training center. At the rate the Taiwanese are walking, I think I won’t have to go to the gym any time soon (hehe). I already missed 2 weeks of training but according to the supervisors, workshops on the core and more important components of the training will only begin today so no worries. My colleagues include 3 Taiwanese, 2 Thais and 2 Filipinos. From time to time, some Hong Kong people are asked by their respective bosses to join our workshops as well. My very first day of training was B-O-R-I-N-G. Unlike the other professional associates who are well-experienced and have been working for quite some time now, I’m new in this business and I must admit I’m not as familiar with the ins and outs of this business.

After the training, we (there’s also another Filipino girl who also missed the first 2 weeks of the training) were asked to see the regional HR head for our initial meeting. She initially asked us how we were doing and basically moved on to indirectly scolding us about the “unpleasant incident.” She was actually very discreet and subtle but I can tell that she was very disappointed and unhappy. This was definitely not the first job impression that I wanted to create. In all fairness, she gave me the chance to explain my side but in the end, she couldn’t really understand where I’m coming from so I just politely said my apologies just to appease her. Once again, it’s quite obvious that today wasn’t a good day. It wasn’t as bad as yesterday but just the same, it was still bad. What am I getting myself into?

HK Disaster

Sunday, March 06, 2005

Less than 24 hours here in Hong Kong and I unsuspectingly find myself stuck in a huge pit hole. The whole Hong Kong situation sucks right now. Training hasn’t even started yet and everything has already turned for the worse. What supposedly was something that at the outset presented itself in the disguise of a very exciting job opportunity turned out to be nothing but a dud (this is how I feel as of the moment). I'm hoping that things can still turn 180 degrees. I don’t want to go in to details anymore. Suffice to say I wasn’t prepared for all these. I don’t know how to feel after all that has happened, after all that has been said and done. As I would like to put it, damage has already been done. What frustrates me even more is that I could’ve prevented all these issues from the very beginning if only I acted differently – okay, if only I acted smarter. Well, we already did some damage control. Our tactics sort of worked but just the same, I don’t think they’ll ever forget the unpleasant “incident.” Frankly, I don’t care anymore. I don’t want to bother myself of having to worry too much about every single detail. I can only do so much. Besides, we’re all entitled to our own opinion. What matters most anyway is being able to perform and produce good results so I’ll just have to work a little harder this time and move on from my mistakes. You live, you learn – it couldn’t get any simpler than that.