I Crush

Thursday, November 29, 2007


I don't know why I get super nervous whenever you’re near.

If only you knew...

In as much as I try to act cool and unaffected, I end up getting this fluttering feeling in my stomach.

Sometimes I wonder what it would be like if we knew each other…

Sometimes I wonder how it would be like if we were friends...

Sometimes I secretly hope we'd get to work together on similar projects...

Really, I wish I’d get the chance to get to know you.

However from the way things are now, chances are...parang malabo yata.

Sigh.

No Comment!

Wednesday, November 28, 2007

Contrary to popular perception, you don't need to always have a retort or as the case may be you don't need to always have the last retort - most especially when it's pertaining to something very shallow and trivial; mas lalo na kapag senseless (duh!). It's not worth the headache. Sometimes it's better to just save yourself the trouble. So why not try your hardest to just keep your mouth as airtight as your will power can control. In short, huwag ng patulan (tsk tsk!). I believe it takes a bigger person to be able to swallow one's pride and back down as quietly as possible. If it's not worth it then walk away. Most indeed, the bigger person can take the punches without having to hit back.

"The real art of conversation is not only to say the right thing at the right place, but to leave unsaid the wrong thing at the tempting moment."

- Lady Dorothy Nevill -

So ngayon, ang masasabi ko lang is uh...eh...

No comment.

LSS

Wednesday, November 21, 2007

I'm addicted to Maroon 5's Won't Go Home Without You.

I lubz it!

Other random songs on my playlist right now...
1. Hero/Heroine - Boys Like Girls
2. Dice - Finley Quaye (feat. William Orbit)
3. Baby Love - Nicole Scherzinger
4. Tattoo - Jordin Sparks
5. Apologize - Timbaland presents One Republic
6. I'm Like A Lawyer... - Fallout Boy
7. Take My Hand and Magbalik - Callalily
8. Just Want You To Know - Backstreet Boys
9. Bad Habits - Michael Tolcher
10. Happy Birthday - The Click Five
11. Bubbly - Colbie Caillat
12. It's OK, Whole Again and The Last Goodbye - Atomic Kitten
13. Crazy Love - Kim Chiu
14. Falling - Nsync
15. You're the One, Let's Ride, Please Don't Go and Superman - Brown Boy

One More Chance

Wednesday, November 14, 2007

We were running late and we practically had to run a marathon just to catch the first day showing of One More Chance this afternoon. It ain’t called Mega mall for nothing. It was worth it though because I hate missing a movie's beginning.

It was surprising to see a sizeable crowd of eager beavers like us who were just as excited and jologs (hehe) as we were. There was a freakin’ line at 12 in the afternoon?! Oh common! Furthermore, the cinema was unusually full. I should know because we were present at the first day showing of Aga Muhlach and company’s A Love Story and we didn't even have to fall in line.

The movie was just what I expected it to be. There was nothing Oscar worthy about it but it lived up to my expectations nonetheless. Nakaka-tawa. Nakaka-iyak. Nakaka-kilig.

For whatever reasons that we may have, don’t we all want to have more chances? More chances to get to know someone. More chances to fall in love. More chances to express our feelings. More chances to pursue our true happiness. More chances to fulfill our dreams. More chances to learn. More chances to face our fears. More chances to correct our mistakes. More chances to make things right. More chances to prove ourselves and the list can go on forever…

Having thought about it, I understand better now that we don’t get to have more chances maybe because if we do, we’d be more complacent, we’d take our chances for granted and most importantly, we’ll keep on repeating the same mistakes over and over again. How then will we be able to learn?

So I think I understand better now that we don’t really need to wish for more chances because maybe all we’ll ever need is just one chance.

And it's up to us not to screw it up…

Game Face

Tuesday, November 13, 2007

I think it was meant as a generous gesture.

So why do I feel disturbed rather than grateful?

I guess sometimes we can’t stop the urge to question and be suspicious of other people’s motives and intentions. It’s just unfortunate though how sometimes the purest and sincerest of intentions are tarnished and put to waste just because we chose to be believe otherwise. Blame it on human nature. Blame it on our inner CSI. Maybe it’s some sort of coping and defense mechanism that we use to shield us from the potential hurt and pain and not to mention the river of tears that come along with it.

After all, the name of the game is survival of the fittest. It’s a dog eat dog world where every man is for himself. These days it’s hard to distinguish the real ones from the fakers. It’s hard to determine whether someone is just faking it or not. You have to learn to be sly and cunning – but fair. Kailangan talaga madiskarte ka otherwise it’s game over.

Maybe I should just take it for what it is – nothing more, nothing less. No underlying meaning. No hidden agenda. Nothing in exchange. Perhaps I was just thinking too much. Maybe I was just overanalyzing things. Maybe I was just overreacting. I really don’t know anymore. I can’t trust my gut feel on this one as I’ve previously mentioned it doesn’t have much of a track record so to speak.

As much as I want to be left out, I guess I’m left with no other choice but to start playing the game (that others are playing). However, I’m not going to resort to any dirty and underhanded tricks - in as much as my conscious mind can control. Sorry guys, I’m going to play clean and fair. In the meantime though, all that you're getting from me is benefit of the doubt until such time that I've strategized and sorted out my game plan.

Eye Candy Fix

Tuesday, November 06, 2007

I think no caffeine fix will match the energy rush that I get everytime I see my crush. I was feeling sort of disappointed and uninspired already because I haven't really seen him around for the last couple of weeks. Just seeing him brightens up my day, it never fails to more than make up for whatever crappy day, if any, that I was having.

You know what, we should all find reasons to be happy - no matter how small, shallow or trivial.

It's always good to be happy.

Yep, it's good to be happy even for the smallest and shallowest of things.

Dorky Me

Monday, November 05, 2007

I'm such a dork, really. This Regional VP, who I consider as my mentor when I was still in Hong Kong, is here in Manila for three days. I was caught off guard when he asked me if I wanted to join him for coffee. I think he was supposed to have coffee with my boss but she begged off. Sheesh, I couldn't even muster a straight and decent answer. Wala ata akong naisagot na matino except for "maybe tomorrow" (naihabol ko lang when he asked one last time). Wish ko lang talaga hindi ko siya na-offend in any way. Although feel ko na-offend ko siya (ayayay!). As much as I wanted to have coffee, it was already late in the afternoon plus I had a ton of deliverables and I didn't want to go home after dinner. I was also feeling kinda diyahe because I tend to get intimidated with people of his stature/position (even if he was my mentor), all the more now that it's a one-on-one. In addition, I was just trying to give my boss some courtesy at that time. I mean, kung siya nga hindi nag-coffee, ako pa kaya? Kinda kapalmuks naman diba? Besides my boss couldn't give me a straight and outright answer if it was okay. So it was obviously a hint from her that she wasn't okay with it. I was having this conversation though with my officemate (she also went to Hong Kong) and she told me that if she were in my shoes, she would've taken the invitation. It wasn't really her problem anymore (and it shouldn't be) if my boss doesn't want to have coffee. Hmm...I couldn't agree more. I really think it was a wasted opportunity to catch up with this person, our mentor. He doesn't really visit that often here and sino ba namang Regional VP ang mag-iinvite sa amin or sa akin as in this case for coffee? Uhmm...wala? Sayang. Oh well, maybe next time - that is if there is a next time.

All Worked Out

Saturday, November 03, 2007

I was finally able to successfully drag my lazy ass to the treadmill after months and months of postponing. It has been long overdue so it was a good start for me. I had a couple of days off work so I had some leeway (no more excuses this time). I can't imagine how I'd used to run the treadmill almost everyday of the week. Heck, I was even one of the pioneer members of Fitness First in Libis (i.e., the first branch in the Philippines). I was a gym rat. Well back then, that is. I even used to play badminton every week. Geez, whatever happened to my fitness regimen after all these years?! (hehe). I guess it went kaput as soon as I started working my way up the corporate ladder (I'm still at the bottom though, haha). I had a really good workout awhile ago. I think it was just what I needed - I needed some endorphins especially after recent events that have started to slow and bring me down. So now I plan to squeeze in some quality time with the treadmill at least once or twice a week starting today. Wish me luck.

And oh yeah, enough of the drama shiz and all these conspiracy theories and what have you. I've just had about enough. It seems useless and futile to even try. Next, please.

Just to Clarify

Friday, November 02, 2007

If something wrong or untrue has been said about me, I’d rather know. No matter how messy and ugly, I want to know. I want to know even if it’s tantamount to opening Pandora’s box.

I want to know so I can defend myself properly. I want to know so I can clarify things and prove them wrong. I don’t want to fight - not even close. Thank God, I’m not an angry person. I can talk and sit through an entire confrontation without having to shout, curse or resort to any physical action.

I’m a person of principles (and opinons). If the issue concerns me and most especially if it’s totally nowhere near the freakin' truth, I will not let it pass just for the sake of peace and harmony. It’s so unfair to jump the gun and accuse me of saying something that I never actually said or as the case may be of doing something that I never did. I’m not going to take things sitting down and pretend as if everything's rosy and picture perfect, as if I didn’t hear anything or as if nothing happened. I’m willing to get down and dirty just to sort things out and get to the bottom of the issue. I will stand up for what I believe is right and for the principles I hold. What is important to me is being able to speak my mind and get my message across. After which, wala na akong pakialam ano pa man ang sasabihin nila patungkol sa akin. They already have preconceived biases and judgments about me anyway and nothing I say or do can change their minds. I really can’t do anything anymore if some people are so stubborn and close minded. I can only do so much, you know.

And if ever I was wrong, I'll be the bigger person and admit my mistake. It’s not easy but we should all learn to humble ourselves. I wouldn’t lash out on other people for my own mistakes. I wouldn’t drag other issues to cover for my own mistakes. Most of all, I wouldn’t use anger as my defense. Don't get me wrong, it's normal to get angry. What's not normal is to let anger control you and get the best out of you.

Before, I really can’t understand how some people can get so angry to the point na kulang nalang kakainin na sila ng buhay ng galit nila (yep that bad!). However through the years, I've observed and I've come to comprehend (note: not understand) that oftentimes people are most angry when they have erred and wronged someone else. Isn't it ironic?

If only we can do away with anger and all the other excess baggage, we'd most probably be able to do so much more. More so our lives would be so much lighter, easier and better. To borrow a quote that I've read somewhere, “Don’t get angry, get smart.” For the record, I'm not angry and I wasn't angry. All I wanted to do was to clarify the issue, defend myself (by getting all the facts straight from the horse's mouth) and prove you wrong, which I believe I eventually did. You didn't have to get all angry.