Hasta la Vista

Wednesday, July 27, 2005

It's our last night together in Hong Kong and we spent it Karaoke-ing and having eat all you can shabu shabu afterwards. The general agreement was whether you like it or not, you had to sing. I've never sung in karaokes because I never really had the courage to go for it. Since it's our last night together and all, I didn't want to be a killjoy or a pushover so I just went for the mic and just sang my heart out as if I were in the comforts of my bathroom (hehe). Thank God everyone was singing along too. Everybody should be familiar with Chicago's Hard to Say I'm Sorry, right. As I was belting out the opening lines of the song, I gradually overcame the initial nervousness and shyness that I was feeling. It was even surprisingly fun! I've been way too tense (or rigid?) for the longest time so I thought what the heck! it's about time that I let loose (even for tonight only). It actually felt good and liberating. Take note, I wasn't even drunk. I think it's been ages since I've really relaxed and enjoyed myself in the true sense. I think I should try to loosen up a bit more often and just be myself - no more worries and pretenses. Dinner was a little chaotic but kakabusog! It's eat all you can shabu shabu so what can you expect from 9 (minus Brian) very hungry people? We capped off the night by saying our goodbyes. Unlike the usual sad and sappy goodbyes (with the exception of Anita's crying), the mood was generally light. Amidst all the joking and laughter though, there was still a tinge of sadness in the air and somehow to varying degrees, it really felt like everyone was genuinely going to miss each other (and our so-called HK life together). For whatever its worth, it has been a memorable experience. Until the next time we meet again, you guys. Cheers!

Hot Bulalo Soup

Sunday, July 24, 2005

It's a super lazy Sunday afternoon. I don't feel like doing anything productive today (like say doing some research for work or brushing up on my SAS and SQL or preparing for tomorrow's individual career development plan with management). I just want to relax and chill in my room and not worry about anything for the meantime. After all, this is my last Sunday here in HK. I'm going back to Manila this coming Saturday so I have to savor what's left of the moment. I'm surely going to miss a part of my so-called HK life. I've slowly gotten used to everything here - having a routine and all. I have mixed emotions about the whole thing. As Mae puts it (about her coming home from China), it's bittersweet actually. Well just like any other story, this chapter has reached its ending. I have to start moving on and prepare myself for the next BIG thing. The real world is waiting for me. This is it. The moment of truth. There's no turning back now. What's next for me kaya? I do hope it's going to be all good. Well, I'm looking forward though to having a very hot bulalo soup when I get back. I'm so craving for bulalo right now (actually matagal na!). Oh no, this is bad. I'm thinking about food again (hehe). Ayayayay!

Home Stretch

Friday, July 22, 2005

Wow, time flies. Manila! I'm coming home in a week's time. Now that training is almost over, I feel such a huge relief. To graduate AIG-CFG's Analytics Program was a feat that I thought I could not have successfully done. It feels as if I were back in school again but this time with a higher level or degree. Looking back now, I can't believe how I've managed to hurdle so many obstacles in the last 5 months. It hasn't been easy to say the least. I've never experienced so many highs and lows within such a short span of time. This whole HK experience has been one big roller coaster ride - it was exciting but jittery. More than anything else, living independently has most certainly been a very good experience for me. It's something that I've always wanted to try out but never really given much serious thought about because I knew it was far from happening anyway. But here I am now, I've learned to spread my wings, depend on myself and do things (which I wouldn't normally do) on my own. And although my place still needs some serious redecorating and refurbishing, I've grown to enjoy and value my very own personal space. Working abroad, on the other hand, has truly been an overwhelming experience. There's just so much diversity and potential. Dealing with people from different countries has been quite interesting as well. My interpersonal and communication skills have been put to a test. Sometimes even if you're not feeling it, you have to put more effort and be more sociable or friendlier than usual. Working and living in a foreign country changes your perspective on things or life in general. It makes you want to start looking at the greater scheme of things. It opens your eyes to so many other possibilities that go way beyond your own borders or the Philippines shores. Thus, making you want to explore what's out there even more; and sometimes even if it means having to step out of your comfort zone. It opens your mind to understanding cultures different from yours. Thus, making you do away with stereotypes. You'd be surprised that no matter how huge the differences may be, you'd always end up having something in common or relating to each other's lives in more ways than one. Also, it makes you have a greater appreciation of the things that you've taken for granted. You wouldn't know how good you had it until you lose it for a while (worse case scenario: you lose it forever). Really, I've learned and gained so much more in my 5 months stint in HK that no matter how much ranting, whining and complaining I did and no matter how tough it has been, it was certainly worth the ride.

Say What?

Tuesday, July 12, 2005

Is there such a thing as the Art of Conversation? I was used to be bothered by uncomfortable silences. Yes, those painstakingly loooong awkward pauses. I still feel some uneasiness whenever faced with this type of situation but I guess not as much anymore. With the exception of those people who like to go on and on about themselves (hehe), there'll always be those instances when there's really nothing to say or there's nothing left to say. Sometimes you can force your way and keep the ball rolling. However, small talks are what they are - nothing more. They are merely temporary fillers. From experience, I'd often end up saying something stupid or not making any sense at all. Thus, making a complete fool out of myself. Also, I don't like it when the conversations end up being too forced or "pilit." Of course, there should always be some effort but if the conversation isn't going anywhere, why bother? If all else fails, why not just enjoy the moment of silence? There's way too much noise in this world anyway.

I want to be...

Saturday, July 09, 2005

If you were to choose a dream job or career, what would it be? Undeniably, most women want to be supermodels. It's such a cliche. Although it's also a thought that I welcome, it's not something that I ultimately dream of. If I were to choose just one among so many other possibilities, I want to be a professional athlete. And if I were to be even more specific, I think I want to be a tennis player. Get this though, I've never played tennis my whole life (hehe). Since I'm dreaming already, I might as well add I want to be one of the high-ranking players in the world. Think Pete Sampras, Andre Agassi, Roger Federer, Andy Roddick and Leyton Hewitt among others. I want to be their female counterpart. It must be really exciting to play in international competitions most especially in front of huge crowds. Just imagine, playing in the Wimbledon, U.S. and Australian Open. It must be exhilarating! It's a thrill also get to mingle with other athletes from all over the world. The best part is you're getting paid for something you initially consider only as a hobby. Cool diba? So what's your fantasy job? =D

Color Me Blue

Friday, July 08, 2005

Don't we all have those days when we just want to be left alone (with matching sad songs playing in the background, hehe)? Well, this is one of those days for me. Ironically though, today's a very important day. We had this whole pressure-packed presentation to top management thing and the Graduation Awards and Dinner after. Gosh, having to plaster or put on a huge smile all day is kind of tiring. I really don't feel like chatting or doing anything else with other people. In short, gusto ko magpaka-loner. I don't know but somehow I'm feeling really down right now. I feel sad but not as in the problematic depressed type of sad - just sad. I'm so out of my element right now. I feel helpless and to some degree, hopeless. Everything seems to be going all wrong for me. As a result of all these unfavorable experiences, it seems that I've already lost the enthusiasm or eagerness to try new things and push myself towards achieving bigger goals. I feel disheartened and at a loss for some sort of control in my life right now. Although rationally speaking, I think I know what I have to do to get pass all these but lately and my general sentiment as of the moment is, my mind tells me to do something but my heart isn't exactly where it's supposed to be. I guess I'm just not feeling it anymore.

Blah

Wednesday, July 06, 2005

We did our initial presentation this morning. Management said it was "okay" (at least they were polite). But really, it was a disaster. My thoughts were so disoriented that I totally flubbed the flow of my presentation. As if things couldn't get any worse, I couldn't come up with a decent answer to management's questions. Unbelievably, I couldn't even think of a single bullshit or palusot to save my sorry ass. I just stood there feeling totally helpless and not even my groupmates could come to my rescue! Needless to say, this was my worst presentation ever. At first, there was that strong feeling of defeat and resignation. Right now though, I just feel blah. I actually don't know what to feel anymore. I'm sick and tired of constantly worrying and pressuring myself with anything work-related that I really couldn't care less anymore. I feel numb or for lack of better word, "manhid." If you think of it, hasn't it always been just a matter of wanting to impress or to create a good perception in the eyes of others? So what, if they were disappointed or if they had the wrong impression or if they have a different / unfavorable opinion of you? Although rejection is like a slap in the face, it's something that we all have to learn to deal with. It hurts but no matter how good you think you are, you just couldn't please everyone. We still have another presentation for the regional head on Friday and they're telling us to expect even more questions coming our way. Hay, I'm so over this whole HK experience. 3 more weeks and counting...I think I'm ready to go home now.