50/50

Wednesday, February 16, 2005

50/50 chance. I earnestly feel that I have a 50/50 chance of making the final cut. Although I wasn’t super confident before the interview, I felt fairly comfortable with my position. Now that the “important” interview is over and done with, I’m feeling more uncertainty. I feel doubtful with my overall performance and disposition. The interview was surprisingly short compared to yesterday’s 9am to 12pm and to the other girl’s “important” interview just yesterday (hehe I inadvertently saw her time-in and time-out in the log book). Is a short interview (let's say a little over 15 minutes) good or bad? The possible explanation I can come up with is maybe they’ve already made up their minds – that is, either they’re so sure they want me in already (wishing!) or they’re so sure they want me out (hehe). It can actually go both ways when you think of it, makes sense right? Although there were a couple of instances when I wished I could have answered differently (so what else is new? hehe), I don’t think I made that bad an impression on the general manager. In fact, I was very early for the interview. Ironically, I wasn’t so sure whether or not I wanted the position yesterday. I was even nervously thinking what if they pick me? (hehe feeling ba?) I was thinking then it would mean more pressure and confusion for me to make a decision. I wasn't really 100% wanting to be accepted talaga (tsk! tsk!...I know bad, bad, bad me). And to think, my family (especially my mom and dad) was even so eager and excited for me. So as not to get their hopes up, I reminded them that nothing’s definite yet. I’m not yet a shoo-in and that I still have an interview with the general manager. I don’t want to build or hype everything all up only to disappoint them in the end. So now that the supposedly important interview is over, I really do not know where I stand. I don’t want to stress myself too much and go through the typical what if’s and could-have-been’s scenarios. I’ll just have to wait for their call and if I don’t get "the call" then I guess I’ll have to just try my luck elsewhere or maybe something bigger is waiting for me in the wings (hehe yeah right!). On the lighter side, I'd get to join all family activities and won't be left behind if and when they decide to go abroad this coming Holy Week or summer and lastly, I won't miss out on the new seasons of all my favorite TV shows (hehe). However, now that I really think about it…I actually want the job. I'm now willing to take that risk. I'm willing to take that plunge. It's funny how when we can’t have something, all the more we want it; and all those times that we had it, we didn’t want it; and when we thought we had it, we actually didn’t. Interestingly and so frustratingly boggling are life’s ironies but then again maybe it's just me.