Sunday, January 27, 2008
I’m currently faced with the daunting task of having to make a decision. Mind you, it’s a huge decision – one that can make or break you. Well as in this case, I suppose make or break…ME? Yikes. This probably is a no brainer decision for others most especially for the few selected people in the know who have been privy to my endless and unedited tales of (FILL IN THE BLANKS). In fact, some people are already decided. They have decided without even batting an eyelash. See…they’re THAT sure. I guess I can’t blame them since they’ve been witnesses to my never ending horror slash sob stories. However despite the decisions that were already made for me, I’m not entirely sold on this matter. Well at least, not yet.
Fortunately or unfortunately, I was given a tight deadline on this one. Needless to say, I no longer have the luxury of procrastination (hehe). I know I may sound a tad too O.A. but oh common, this is my life that we’re talking about here. This decision can shift the course of my life! This decision can either put me in deeper shit or in even more unnecessary misery. I can’t, I don’t want to and I definitely can’t afford for the life of me make any hasty decisions now. The decision may seem pretty clear and obvious once all the facts are laid out on the table but I still don’t want to make any sweeping judgments. I need as much advice as I can get but I still want to be able to make my own decision. Ultimately, it is very important for me to be able to make the final decision on my own.
Given the circumstances - past and present, I thought this was going to be an easy breezy decision. I actually didn’t think it’ll be this hard given the crap that I’ve been through. I’ve been sort of setting myself up for this as far back as 2006. Well now that the moment of truth has come, I surprisingly find myself in troubled waters. It feels as if I’m at a crossroad once again. Mahirap din pala in spite of everything that has happened. In all fairness kasi, it wasn’t all bad. However potentially exciting things can be, I guess the fear of the unknown and the unfamiliar worries me the most.
Pending my decision, I can’t give away any more information than I already have. Lest I expose all my playing cards or whatever aces I have, it’s in my best interest as of the moment to sound as obscure and confusing - although I really am confused and unsure of everything!
I guess I’ve realized now that letting go and moving on is never really going to be easy no matter what the circumstances are - no matter how much hate, resentment and hurt you once had. It’s just hard to let go of something you’ve already grown so familiar with. After doing some rational thinking of my own, I’ve actually decided that I’m ready to move on. It’s time to move on. I think moving on will do me more good than harm.
However, my moving on is not a done deal yet. The thing is, my moving on will still be highly dependent upon another make or break kind of decision. I’ve been seriously contemplating on how to play my cards right for the past couple of days. Despite the temptation, I don’t want to settle just yet. I’m not being unreasonable at all or anything but I really truly absolutely believe I deserve more. Therefore having said that, I guess I just might have to take a huge risk on this one. I'll feel more comfortable and I'll feel better about myself knowing that at least I tried and I fought hard. And if, after all this hoopla, it doesn’t work out, I'm going to take it as it is without any regrets whatsoever. The way I see it kasi, if it's meant to be then it's meant to be...yun lang yun.
Fortunately or unfortunately, I was given a tight deadline on this one. Needless to say, I no longer have the luxury of procrastination (hehe). I know I may sound a tad too O.A. but oh common, this is my life that we’re talking about here. This decision can shift the course of my life! This decision can either put me in deeper shit or in even more unnecessary misery. I can’t, I don’t want to and I definitely can’t afford for the life of me make any hasty decisions now. The decision may seem pretty clear and obvious once all the facts are laid out on the table but I still don’t want to make any sweeping judgments. I need as much advice as I can get but I still want to be able to make my own decision. Ultimately, it is very important for me to be able to make the final decision on my own.
Given the circumstances - past and present, I thought this was going to be an easy breezy decision. I actually didn’t think it’ll be this hard given the crap that I’ve been through. I’ve been sort of setting myself up for this as far back as 2006. Well now that the moment of truth has come, I surprisingly find myself in troubled waters. It feels as if I’m at a crossroad once again. Mahirap din pala in spite of everything that has happened. In all fairness kasi, it wasn’t all bad. However potentially exciting things can be, I guess the fear of the unknown and the unfamiliar worries me the most.
Pending my decision, I can’t give away any more information than I already have. Lest I expose all my playing cards or whatever aces I have, it’s in my best interest as of the moment to sound as obscure and confusing - although I really am confused and unsure of everything!
I guess I’ve realized now that letting go and moving on is never really going to be easy no matter what the circumstances are - no matter how much hate, resentment and hurt you once had. It’s just hard to let go of something you’ve already grown so familiar with. After doing some rational thinking of my own, I’ve actually decided that I’m ready to move on. It’s time to move on. I think moving on will do me more good than harm.
However, my moving on is not a done deal yet. The thing is, my moving on will still be highly dependent upon another make or break kind of decision. I’ve been seriously contemplating on how to play my cards right for the past couple of days. Despite the temptation, I don’t want to settle just yet. I’m not being unreasonable at all or anything but I really truly absolutely believe I deserve more. Therefore having said that, I guess I just might have to take a huge risk on this one. I'll feel more comfortable and I'll feel better about myself knowing that at least I tried and I fought hard. And if, after all this hoopla, it doesn’t work out, I'm going to take it as it is without any regrets whatsoever. The way I see it kasi, if it's meant to be then it's meant to be...yun lang yun.
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