M.O.

Tuesday, May 01, 2007

I’m feeling mixed emotions right now. I feel relieved. I feel anxious. I feel excited. I feel unsure. In the next few days, I will be making a major decision. I’m not even sure if I’m making the right decision and if now is the right time. It has always been at the back of my mind for the past year and a half but I never actually did something about it – not until now. I convinced myself to stick it out a little longer as things might get better. I tried to postpone it as much as I could. In fairness, it wasn’t all that bad. I had my fair share of genuinely good experiences as well. However at the end of the day, there’s just way too much negativity and I ask myself if this is something that I can still deal with 60-70% of the time. I really don’t think I can anymore. The bad seems to be weighing down the good. Most importantly, I don’t think there’s enough room to grow anymore for me – especially not in this kind of environment. It seems like things are going from good to bad to worse. I don’t want to wait for things to be at its worst before I do something. Hence, I have decided with finality. While I’m leaving for good reasons, this was surely not an easy decision and needed a lot of serious consideration. Goodbyes are hard to do no matter what the circumstances are. I honestly still feel bad about leaving despite everything that has happened. But at the end of the day, you gotta do what you gotta do, right?