It has nothing to do with the job. It suddenly hit me. It's not the job that I hate. It's not the job that makes me miserable from time to time. I've already proven to myself that this is something that I can actually do. I believe that this job has a huge potential in terms of growth and opportunities and most especially if I were to improve and immerse myself even more. I have a long way to go but I know I'll get there – slowly but surely. I suddenly realized that my boss is actually the primary reason why I'm so adamant on handing in my resignation letter. If only I could or as the case being if I were permitted by my parents, I'd resign even before the expiration of my contract. She's not your typical in-your-face terror kind of boss. Her style is very subtle that it’s barely distinguishable. She’s an obsessive compulsive smart ass. It seems that nothing is good enough. She never fails to find a loophole to the point that she'd even take notice of very trivial details. And no matter how much justification, she will always have something to say (read: mahilig siyang mang-bara). I feel helpless as I can't really answer back without coming off as disrespectful. After all, she still is my boss. There is still that demarcation line between a superior and a subordinate. Unless it's below the belt, I have no choice but to act like a true professional. Pinasukan ko ito kaya kailangan ko ng panindigan. If I'm used to speaking my mind at home or wherever, I have to restrain myself at work. Maybe I'm taking things a little too personally? Or who knows, maybe she's doing all these things on purpose for whatever reason she has. I'm giving her though the benefit of the doubt for now. I honestly have nothing against her character per se. Moreover, having started at the bottom and having almost a decade of experience tucked under her belt, she does know her craft quite well. I just don't like her style of managing people. I will not go into details anymore. Ang dating lang sa akin is kailangan pahirapan talaga even if you don't really have to. Kaya sometimes talaga I can't help but feel that it's not worth it anymore. Kasimple-simpleng bagay na nga lang as going home, kailangan mo pang paghirapan.
Someone asked me what will make me stay. As of this writing, I don't think anything can and will make me stay – not even a promotion or a raise. At this point, I couldn't care less what other people will make out of my decision. I don't care about those raised eyebrows anymore. I guess I've passed that stage already. I really don't see the point of staying when I no longer see myself growing and when the goals I've established at the onset are no longer achievable. Maybe I was just expecting too much out of all this and or maybe I'm just in a rush to want things to happen right away. Ang akin lang kasi, whichever side you look at it, we have the training already safely tucked under our names and that was what supposedly will give us the "edge". There are those who will argue that all the other MAs may be way more senior than us or there may be others in our department who were ahead of us or who are "relatively" better but just the same, we have every right to enjoy the fruits or full benefits of our training - regardless of all the brouhaha and whatever factor - both subjective and objective - that one can concoct or think of. Otherwise, it's going to be their loss - not mine.
