Post Birthday Thoughts

Tuesday, November 16, 2004

We (that's me and Clarisse - my other half at birth) just celebrated our birthday last Friday. Nothing new, nothing exciting. Turning 23 wasn't any different from turning 20, 21, or 22 for that matter. I don't feel any older nor do I feel any wiser (haha). Although a lot has happened since last year, except for the fact that I'll be graduating soon, I think nothing much has really changed. Well, nothing really drastic or BIG anyway. Just like what we'd always do every year, we celebrated by eating out. This year I suggested Makati Shangri La's Red. Nice place, good food. However, they have very limited menu choices. We continued with the celebration the day after via a BBQ cookout for friends.

Birthday cookout!

It started out one day – spur of the moment – during lunch at UCC when somebody (I’m not sure if it was me or Clarisse or my mom) suggested why not have a joint BBQ cookout instead. We’d always have family BBQ cookouts. We’d grill steak, chicken, barbeque, and prawns and we’d also make our own hamburgers and hotdog sandwiches. It was always fun to have cookouts and so we thought it was a good idea. Other than for the leftover food, the cookout turned out alright. I guess our food projections weren’t that accurate. It’s either that or I guess everyone was “nahihiya” or on a diet. Nonetheless, I’m really happy that everyone showed up. I’m not particularly super dooper fond of birthdays because it reminds me of my age (hehe). But seriously, I don’t want people to treat me any differently just because it’s my birthday. As much as possible, I want my birthday to be just like any other day. Don’t get me wrong it’s still a “special day” and it wouldn’t hurt if people were actually nice to you but people shouldn’t be too conscious of trying to be exaggeratedly nice to you (not that people were super extra nice to me anyway last Friday hehe). Simply being remembered on your “special day” is enough as it is. After all, it always feels great to be remembered, most especially by important people in your life – that for me is enough reason already to make me feel special.

Next Move After Graduation

Wednesday, November 03, 2004

My OJT is officially over and done with today. Now that I've finished my OJT and with my thesis under way, I'm all set for graduation on December; although the march won't be happening until February. It's still hard to believe that I'll soon be graduating. Over all, college life didn't seem such a drag to me amidst all the stress and pressures of being a student. To think with a double degree, my college years were even extended to 5 years. I didn't mind though because I wanted to make the most out of my student life anyway before finally moving on to the real world. Well, the real world awaits me now. I'm no longer as scared of what the real world holds. I'm no longer as ignorant of what the real world is like. With the OJT experience under my belt (not that it was that much of a BIG experience hehe), I feel more confident and sure. I may have no idea of what's going to happen to me in the real world but at least now I know what to expect. I had a taste and more importantly, a feel of what the real world is like. The question now is...what does the real world have instore for me? I'm currently contemplating on whether or not to start job hunting. From my sister's experience, the job application process may take a while so it might be a good idea to start looking for job prospects as early as now. I don't want to later on succumb to the pressures of my parents most especially when the time comes that they'd start nagging me about my being idle for too long. In my opinion, I think I'll be needing at least a month's rest before mapping out the journey of my future career but just the same I'm willing to work right away if and when opportunity comes knocking at my door. I haven't decided yet whether to relax and take a break after graduation or to start looking for work as early as now so that by graduation, I'll have a job waiting in the wings. You know what's weird? Day to day nothing seems to change but pretty soon everything changes. No matter how much I wanted to take a shift from the monotony of the daily grind, in my mind...my efforts prove to be futile. But little did I now that slowly (and I hope surely hehe), small things, that for too many times I have taken for granted, are starting to unfold right in front of me and before I even start to realize it, change has already happened.

My OJT Experience

Tuesday, November 02, 2004

After a two-week long hiatus from “blogging,” I’m now back with a vengeance (haha yeah right!). I’ve been too caught up with work as if I were actually a regular employee of the company and as if I were being compensated for my work. I guess it comes with the territory of being a/an practicumer, OJT, intern. I would have preferred it to be this way though rather than doing nothing at all or being made as gophers. I may be swamped with work but at least I’m being a productive citizen of this world (haha). If there’s anything that I’ve learned to do, more than anything else, it’s creating and designing webpages. To some extent, I kind of feel proud of myself. I started out with nothing and worried as hell that I wouldn’t be able to do the job well but here I am now – the webmaster. the guru. Okay fine that was a little bit exaggerated (hehe).

Today was supposed to be our last day of our on-the-job-training. I was already looking forward to extending my sleeping hours in the morning but it didn’t surprise me anymore that again, something came up. So what else is new, right? We weren’t able to say our formal goodbyes with our supervisors. It was lunch time already when we finished and since we had to leave already and could no longer wait for after lunch, we decided to leave a note instead. It wasn’t really the proper thing to do but that was the only option unanimously acceptable and available at that time. Later in the afternoon, I got a text though from my supervisor asking if I could come in tomorrow because he wanted to discuss and make some changes in the Intranet. Since I was assigned to the Intranet and not that I have any other choice to begin with, I agreed to go to work tomorrow. Anne, Mae and Pan will not be coming in for work tomorrow since they have no more work to do. So I guess I'm on my own for now. Good luck to me!
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In sum, the whole OJT experience wasn’t as bad as I thought it would be. In fact, the 200 hours was a breeze except for those days when I had a hard time waking up, when traffic was really bad and when I was feeling lazy and out of it. Going to work and seeing some friendly faces helped a great deal. Having to do OJT with friends made it a whole lot easier for me. It was also nice to have to go to work together everyday with my sisters (and having occasional lunch outs at UCC or Oliver's). I’m sure the real world wouldn’t always have as many friendly faces but we all, relationships that is, have to start somewhere. Before all the relationships and friendships have even started, we were but strangers in this sea of unfamiliar and nameless faces.

Status: Single

Saturday, October 16, 2004

I watched Wimbledon today in Rockwell. It’s funny how despite the conditions and positions the characters were in when they first met, who would have known they would end up falling for each other? It wasn’t planned or anything. It wasn’t even the best “first meeting.” In fact, it was anything but perfect – it was awkward, humiliating, unexpected and outrageous. I guess everything doesn’t have to be picture perfect always. When it comes to love…when it hits you, it hits you hard. Before you’ve even realize it, you’ve already fallen in love.

Love is all around but ironically, I think I'm lost or perhaps, has love lost its way? As JC Chasez's Build My World would put it "someone for everyone but no one for me..." I’d often get the dreaded question Do you have a boyfriend? and I’d awkwardly answer the usual No. As if my answer isn’t good enough, they’d even follow it up with a series of Why’s or How Come? They’d mostly have matching shocked or I’m sorry expressions as if something’s wrong with me. As if that wasn’t terrible already, they’d continue on with their own theories of my being single - usually that I’m mapili, aloof, unapproachable and what-have-you - but the truth of the matter is, they don't know a single thing about me and they don't have a clue of how I feel. You can just imagine how uncomfortable it makes me feel so I’d just politely shrug my shoulders and subtly change the topic in the hopes that they’d start moving on to more interesting things to talk about. I used to not mind others' pestering my non-existent love life but I guess you reach a point when all the talk gets a little tiring already or maybe I'm succumbing to the pressures of still being single at 22. Whichever the case, I need a break!

All the whole love affairs and talks have made me start thinking about "single-hood" or "single-dom." So after much thought, I’ve considered the following:

Physical attraction. On both sides, maybe there isn’t just any physical attraction to begin with. We have to admit that looks initially matter. There must be some sort of attraction towards each other to start the ball rolling. The superficiality of beauty though is not what keeps a relationship going. At the end of it all, personality will still be the deciding factor. After all, beauty is only skin deep.

Circumstances. Circumstances make it difficult or perhaps impossible to find love. First, there’s too many missed opportunities if not, the lack of it. Second, there’s just way too many factors involved like family, friends, work, beliefs, tradition, and culture, among others. In some ways, circumstances do impose limitations on us. Circumstances are uncontrollable. It will really depend on how we can best respond or react to whatever circumstances that we come face to face with.

Compatibility. Not all personalities match. Companionship is of utmost importance in a relationship. It’s hard to find that someone who you can totally relate to and understand unconditionally – regardless. Unfortunately whether because of poor judgment (really first impressions never last), pride or just plain fate, it is not so very often that we get the chance to get to know a person really well no matter how much we would have liked to. Hence, what could have been a budding lifelong and meaningful friendship OR romance will forever be just that – a could have been.

Timing. Love will come around. You can’t force love to come nor can you hurry love. We have to wait patiently. I guess all it takes is just perfect timing – you have to be at the right place at the right time.

On love and on being single: Love is a funny thing. You can find it, lose it or search for it all your life. All our lives, we search for someone to love, someone to make our life complete. As for me, I'm not expecting too much anymore but neither have I given up just yet.

Hope Floats

Thursday, October 14, 2004

Just when I was expecting for the worse, a plesant surprise came along. I came to work with my mind already set that I was going to redo everything that I've worked on yesterday. I came to work prepared that the files that I worked so hard on are already gone with the wind (hehe) just as it made a disappearing act in my USB drive (hehe). Sorry to be very corny but if things go wrong, sometimes it really helps to just use whatever sense of humor that you have left. "Life is like a mirror. If you frown at it, it frowns back. If you smile, it returns the greeting." I've read this somewhere and somehow it just sticked. It makes a lot of sense to me too. Nevertheless, I still tried to check at the office computer drive since I had nothing to lose anyway. As if the impossible happened, to my disbelief (and delight!), all the files were intact. Last night, I actually gave up on the idea that the files could still be in the office computer. How could it be when my USB drive didn't have the files that I directly copied from the entire folder in the office? Nonetheless before I went to bed, I still prayed to St. Therese hoping for a very small miracle to happen. I wasn't really expecting anymore. If any, I was expecting for the worse. I've moved on from yesterday's unfortunate events and I was prepared to patiently finish everything today. Indeed, life has its own way of making us smile - especially at times when we want to give up and lose hope but certain surprises come your way when you least expect it so don't give up and throw in the towel just yet. You need to have that Never Say Die attitude so as to survive life with all its tribulations and unpredictability. Hard as it is but never impossible.

The Virtue of Patience

Wednesday, October 13, 2004

Something funny OR exasperating happened to me this morning. It actually depends on how you'd like to think of it. I'd like to think funny (hehe). I was supposed to drop my sister first at the back of SMART in Valero street. For some reason, I asked the driver to stop upon supposedly seeing the "back" of PBCom Tower. To our surprise, we found a different "back." Yep, I wasn't alone. It's a good thing Pan hitched with me today. It took us a while before we realized that we were at the "back" of GT Tower. To think I'd always wait for my sister at the "back" of PBCom Tower everyday since she usually leaves work later than me. So I must say I literally have a photographic sketch of the "back" of PBCom Tower. I find it strange though to have missed out on the details. First, the nearby parking lot had no shed/roof. Second, Racks was nowhere to be found. Third, there was no building/condominium next door. I really don't know what I was thinking or what came over me (hehe). If there's any consolation, Pan also thought we were at the right "back" otherwise she would have stopped me from going down the car. So there we were scratching our heads in disbelief and in amusement. Maybe we should take more vitamins from now on (hear me sing to the tune of "not enough vitamins, not enough life..." hehe).

As if my day couldn't get any more off-track, I logged on to the office computer only to find out that all the files I worked on yesterday were all gone. You can just imagine how frustrated I was. There goes a whole day of hard work...down the drain. It's a good thing though that I was able to save the files that took the most work to finish in Microsoft Word. What's ironic is, I'd usually "secretly" (hehe Maersk is kind of strict with regards to downloading files and programs) save all the files I worked on in my USB drive so that I can do some work at home. Now you see that I'm very much dedicated to my work (haha). For the first time though, I decided not to save in my USB drive yesterday because I was going to watch my favorite show, The O.C. I missed it though because I went to watch Open Water in Rockwell instead. Can I just first share how much I hated the movie?! It is by far the worst (take note! in the superlative degree hehe) movie of the year. At first, I was thinking how the heck can you make an entire film of two people stuck in the middle of the ocean? The answer is simple - you can't. By the time the movie's ending credits started to roll, I was nauseous! I think I should've taken Bonamine first. Seriously, all the floating and ocean waves made me feel queasy and all woozy.

And on to my day's events...

If you think my woes are over, think again! my day is far from over. As if my day couldn't get any more frustraing, I came home only to find out that my day's work were all gone. To think before I left the office, I made sure to save all the files I worked on in my USB drive. Of course, I've learned a very valuable lesson from yesterday's mistake. I didn't want it to happen again so I safely saved in my USB drive. For some unknown reason, I was able to save only a half of the work I did today. Really, today was hard work. To say the least, I finished a ton of work today - even more than yesterday that's why I feel so utterly frustrated and helpless. I don't know what to do. Hay! A part of me wants to just laugh it off while a part of me wants to cry and scream at the top of my lungs "You've got to be kidding me!" (*Sigh!*). Admittedly though, I was a little careless in saving the files. I was in a hurry to leave the office worried that Clarisse was already waiting for me in the car. She texted na kasi that she's going down na. Apparently, SMART's elevators are very very very slow (hehe). Oh well! If there's any consolation, there's at least something to keep me busy tomorrow (yeah right! as if that's going to make things better).

I couldn't seem to understand why Murphy's Law is always working double-/over-time, whichever way you want to put it, in my life; as if it's always in its highest force/power/influence. For the ignorant...yes, there is such a thing as Murphy's Law. I'm not kidding! Go do Google search and enlighten yourself (wahaha).

In the game of baseball, I've strikedout already but you know what...in the game of my life, I'm far from game over. If any, I've become even more optimistic and I'd like to think tougher. I'm actually trying to perfect the saying, "Patience is a virtue." It is a virtue indeed. I'm learning. I'm coping. I'm keeping the faith. You'd be amazed how much patience can do to your life. From experience, having even the slightest bit of patience can go a looooooooooooooooooong way. So have patience (and a little bit of humor wouldn't hurt too). Believe me, it will do your life a whole lot of good as it did mine. Even after all that has happened to me today, I still have the heart to laugh about it. ;)

P.S. I'm working with Microsoft FP and as I've mentioned before, it's a first for me and obviously, I can't really seem to figure it out yet.

Hakuna Matata

Sunday, October 10, 2004

I feel so full right now and to think, I haven't had dinner yet and I don't plan to anymore. We had lunch at Summer Palace in Edsa Plaza. I ate a whole lot that I think I'm going to puke any minute now (Okay, I'm exagerating hehe!). I just love dimsums though. After lunch, we went to see if there were any seats left for Shark Tale at The Shang. Yey! I finally got to watch Shark Tale. Other than the kid's annoying kicks at the back of my chair, I enjoyed the movie. It was a funny movie (Aliw!). Lenny the Shark is just so adorable! Oscar the Seahorse (?) is really hilarious. My hats off to Will Smith! I like him - he's cool. Shark Tale definitely tops my list of favorite cartoon movies along with Monster's Inc, Finding Nemo and Shrek. I think The Shang has the best movie seats/chairs; their seats are very comfortable although they have this very stupid policy of not allowing moviegoers to bring outside food in the theater. Grabe, you can't even drink Big Chill! When I went to watch A Cinderella Story a few months back, I gave the usher a piece of my mind when they wouldn't allow me to bring my Big Chill drink in (hehe although I couldn't blame them because they were after all just doing their job). At that time, I just couldn't help it but to tell them off.

I'd also like to share a trivial thing that currently frustrates me. I don't like the way events are turning out in Survivor's Vanauatu (did I get the spelling right?). I just watched Survivor a while ago only to see Brady, the cute FBI agent getting voted off - major bummer! (hehe). All the good and interesting guys (or should I say gentlemen?) are being voted off one by one. John is the only one left standing. Gosh! it's turning out to be a boring Survivor season.

Indeed, the weekend went by so fast. It has been an unproductive one for me. I originally planned to religously learn the Frontpage tutorial but to no avail, I found myself watching movies instead (hehe). Friday night was spent watching The Punisher while Saturday morning was spent watching Smallville Season 3 and the afternoon was spent watching Raising Helen (and shopping! hehe) in Rockwell. I brought some work home so as to be able to get a head start but I guess my being a movie enthusiast got the better part of me. I feel sort of guilty not doing any work during the weekend. Oh well, you gotta do what you gotta do, right? (hehe). At this point, I think I need to have some relax and chill time for myself (wahaha). As the saying goes, "you have to work hard and play even harder." Nonetheless, I hope the rest of the week will be a good one for me. I'm trying to have this whole Hakuna Matata mantra going on in my head right now. Yup, no more worries from this point onwards.

Extra Challenge Undercovered

Friday, October 08, 2004

I just came home from Rockwell where we watched The Punisher. I wasn't expecting much since it was a flop in the U.S. and I think it has been receiving poor reviews. I really wanted to watch Shark Tale or Wimbledon but cartoons and teeny bopper movies aren't exactly my dad's idea of a good movie so I really had no choice to begin with. By the way, did you know that The Punisher was a Marvel comics character? I didn't know that until I saw the opening credits of the movie (hehe). It wasn't that bad really although there's just way too much violence involved. I guess that's just what happens when you lose all the people you love unexpectedly in the hands of revenge-seeking gruesome people. I think what the protagonist had to go through is the worst thing that can happen to a person. The movie gives you a take of how it feels like to have nothing to lose and live for anymore. It gives us a perspective of how life would be like without family. To say that it is unbearable is even an understatement.

Anyways, work today was a bit stressful. I was originally tasked to do the advertising strategy part of our OJT undertaking but I'm now faced with the daunting task of doing the company's Intranet in the Philippines, which for your information is accessible to all Maersk offices around the world and mind you, will be supposedly used for the next 3 years tops. Some pressure huh? I may be a creative person but I'm no professional webmaster. I want to be though (hehe) but I just don't have the patience to go through the tutorials all by myself. As many webpage software choices available in the market right now, I'm left with no other option but to use Microsoft Frontpage since it's what the company is currently using. As if I wasn't already having a difficult time trying to figure my way through the ins and outs of Frontpage, I was even given a list of restrictions - from the colors, fonts, page margins, layouts/templates, pictures, software programs, no take home work and the list goes on. How can I do the job well if my resources and creativity are being limited? So how can they expect me to come up with a kick ass website now? Don't mind me though, I'm just being a little bit O.A. right now (hehe). I'm just panick-stricken because I never had a background of designing webpages and I have little time and resources to finish the website. To think, I haven't even finished the advertising strategy yet and not only that, we still have a marketing plan for our thesis and nerve-wracking panel defense all scheduled by the end of the term. Nonetheless, I actually believe that I can still do the job well if only I was given the freedom to do whatever I want. Webpage designing is something that actually interests me if only I wasn't ignorant on the subject matter. Really, the restrictions wouldn't be that much of a problem anymore if only I knew how to create a webpage. The thing is, nobody's patient enough to teach me (not even myself! haha). This is a challenge that I'm left with no other choice but to face head on regardless of the circumstances. I'll definitely be needing all the inspiration, patience and courage that I can get in the few months ahead. Good luck to me. I hope Microsoft Frontpage will be very cooperative and will work with me on this (haha!). Who knows I might even end up being a webpage designer guru of some sort (haha yeah right!).

P.S. Sorry for the corny title. No pun intended! (hehe).