Survivor

Monday, November 24, 2008

I'm done taking the diplomatic route at work. I'm so over it. It frustrates me how some people can be too inconsiderate and self serving at times. Everyone seems to have their own agenda. Screw the opinions and perceptions they have of me. If they couldn't care a rat's ass about me then why should I care too? It's about time that I start fighting for myself because who else will? I'm not a war freak at all. I'm not much of a complainer either. Most often than not, I'm too apathetic and indifferent - to a fault pa nga eh. As my sister says, you have to choose your battles. In a way, I'm like that also. I fight only if it's something that I feel strongly about, only if it's worth it.

I had to deal with a difficult boss in my previous job. It was more personal then; something that went beyond office walls and hours. This time around I have issues at work albeit it's nothing personal - yet. So for now, I'd like to think I'm still better off. But looking back and even amidst all these issues, I don't think I'll ever want to trade it back for my old job. Hell no. Ibang usapan na kasi if may halong personalan na. Well I guess it's part of the job to deal with difficult people from time to time. As a result of recent events, I'm learning to be more assertive and straightforward. I don't think I can please everyone anyway so why bother? Some people are really pushing me to the limits. I was never the type who'd thrive on conflicts and issues. In fact, I try to avoid conflict as much as I can but I think I'm now forced to assert and defend myself lest I get left behind or worse, get ran over.

Of course, I still try to do right thing without going all gung ho. However, I don't think being nice will do me any good in this dog eat dog world. It's survival of the fittest out there, being nice just won't cut it anymore.

Happy 27

Wednesday, November 12, 2008

I find birthdays overrated; well particularly mine only. (Note: I don't know what Clarisse's stand on this is. I can only speak for myself, hehe). To me, it's just a normal day; nothing special whatsoever about it. However, I'm happy to be celebrating my birthday this year. None of the whole shebang though, just simple and lowkey - just the way I like it. :)

I just turned 27 years old today (Clarisse also) and whatta year it has been! You know what's weird? Day to day nothing seems to change but pretty soon everything changes. It's funny how God throws little surprises your way when you least expect it. I guess I can only wish for better things to come.

Working Class

Tuesday, November 04, 2008

Just 7 months into my new job and work is bordering on toxic levels already. I'm actually quite surprised to find myself still slugging it out despite my disappointments and frustrations. There's just too much work to do with so little time and resources. Sometimes I wonder how me and my officemates are still able to joke around despite the overwhelming workload and system inefficiencies and limitations that are well beyond our control. Nakakapagtaka talaga in a positive way. Being able to constantly laugh together even at the most trivial and mundane of things at work can be quite refreshing actually. I try not to let work affect me. I no longer try to take on the role of super achiever. I only do what I can do. After all at the end of the day, it's just work. It is what it is.

Dummy Choices

Sunday, July 13, 2008

Sometimes it feels as if what I want doesn't even matter anymore.

Sometimes I wonder if there really is ever such a thing as freedom of choice?

It's funny how you're being asked to choose or decide on your own but in reality, you don't really have a choice to begin with. It's as if a predetermined choice is already expected from you.

Making a choice entails the consideration of many factors. Making a choice involves the collaboration of both the heart and mind. Making a choice means that you are taking full responsibility for whatever consequences or repercussions. Making a choice may create fear, doubt and uncertainty but nothing in life is certain anyway. We can never know or predict the outcome. Making a choice is a risk in itself.

While the experiences and wisdom of others may be helpful, ultimately it is still your life to live, not theirs.

So hopefully someday if not now, we'll all find the courage to make choices regardless of how others may react, regardless of what others may say, regardless of the doubts and uncertainties. Regardless period.

More importantly, may we all have the courage to follow our hearts.

Life is too short to live on choices made by others for us.

Dare to Be

Saturday, June 21, 2008

I'd like to share a meaningful text from a friend slash officemate. I took the liberty of adding some personal touches so here it goes...

Some words to live by...

"Always live the life you want to live, be the person you can be proud of. Make decisions, make mistakes. If you fall, you fell because you tried. No regrets. You win some, you lose some. You can't win them all. You can't please everyone no matter how hard you try. Find reasons to be happy instead. Love yourself, help yourself and then some. Embrace the total dork in you because life is too short to be always cool. You are what you are, and a whole lot more if you want to."

Got Complimented

Friday, June 20, 2008

Natuwa naman ako. I received a nice compliment today. I was caught off guard, actually. I was surprised because I wasn’t feeling particularly good about myself. More so, I was just sporting a plain white shirt and jeans. Hmmm, I think it was one of the sincerest of compliments I’ve received. He said he just wanted to say it, no strings attached. I said thanks for making me smile, no strings attached too; to which he replied that he simply wanted to compliment me - not for anything else and in all honesty, it wasn’t even meant to make me smile.

Sometimes the nicest of compliments are those that are least expected. It goes to show that a simple compliment can go a loooong way. No need for flowery words, really. It doesn't even have to mean anything (i.e., it can actually be platonic).

Traffic Resolution 102

Monday, April 14, 2008

Traffic in Edsa is such a pain in the ass.

Based from my humble assessment, Bayani Fernando and his crew must do the following in order to alleviate the traffic problem in Edsa:

1. declare Edsa as a no loading and unloading zone
2. limit the number of buses in Edsa
3. strictly implement a no swerving regulation in Edsa

If for whatever reason the aforementioned could not be implemented, then I suggest they just build a mini-skyway along Edsa (yeah right, as if!). Since it would be costly to do so, I suggest they at least start from Makati all the way to the San Juan and Cubao flyovers. In this way, going home from work everyday wouldn't be such a hassle anymore. Yehey!

P.S. I've already blogged about this 3 years ago and traffic in Edsa is still just as bad, if not worse.

Love Magnet

Tuesday, April 08, 2008

So what's your love type? http://youniverse.com

The Truth of the Matter

Saturday, April 05, 2008

Honesty is the best policy or so they say.

Despite knowing the negative consequences and reactions, I still opted to tell the truth time and again. Don’t I at least get some credit? I guess not.

It feels as if I don’t get appreciated for telling the truth anymore, for generally being open about my personal life, for obeying the rules, for not causing much trouble and headache. I’d like to think that I’ve been mostly good and well behaved all throughout. Modesty aside, I believe my track record can very well speak for itself.

It’s ironic though how you still get in trouble for doing the right thing. So should I just detach myself? What use is it to share your thoughts and feelings when it gets misinterpreted into something else and subsequently gets blown out of proportion. Maybe I should just be more of a pasaway then since what good I do won’t matter anyway. And is lying the better thing to do now? Sometimes I wonder if the truth is still worth telling.

Come What May

All parents naturally want what's best for their children.

That's perfectly understandble.

Moreover, most parents would agree that they know best.

But do they really?

I guess only time can tell.

Golden Rule for the Idiot

Thursday, April 03, 2008

I hate people with huge inflated egos and who act as if they're above everyone else. Hate it.

I hate it even more when they try to advance their personal interests at the expense of others. I perfectly understand that it's a dog eat dog world out there; survival of the fittest, every man for himself. However, I don't think you'd be able to get to the top, let alone anywhere by stepping on other people's toes.

I pity those people who think that the only way to make themselves look good is by making fun of others. I pity them because they must have a hell lot of insecurities. If you, for whatever reason, are either envious of or threatened by someone else then I suggest you go get a life. Don't result to underhanded tricks because as the saying goes, what goes around comes around. You definitely don't want karma to come right back at you, right?

So bottomline is, we should all try to live by the Golden Rule: "Don't do unto others what you don't want other to do unto you." It is after all quite simple and straightforward; well not unless you fall under the category of idiot or stupid - your choice.

Newbies

Friday, March 28, 2008

If given the choice, I'd rather pass on the role of being the new kid on the block. It's almost similar to the feeling that I get during first day of classes. You're feeling excited, hopeful, anxious and nervous all at the same time. New people and environment can be good and exciting however the unfamiliar and unknown can also be quite stressful. Mahirap din ma-ngapa kasi. My new job is so much different from my previous job in so many ways. However, I think it's mostly different in a good way. If any, I think the only edge that my previous job has is its data infrastructure and how its systems are in place already, which are very crucial to my job function. I guess what's difficult lang is to get things going or started. It's always hard at the beginning but I just need some time to adjust and familiarize myself in my new environment. More importantly, I think I need to be more proactive this time around. We're out of our comfort zone right now as perfectly pointed out by an on and off again officemate slash friend but we'll get there eventually. Sanayan lang siguro.

Happy Easter

Sunday, March 23, 2008

I'll be officially part of the work force again starting tomorrow. By my standards though, I really think I could use another week's worth of R & R (hehe). I guess I do have to get back to reality - well eventually. Besides, I don't want to be the subject of my parents' nagging. So yeah...I think I'm all set and ready. I feel kinda nervous though because of the fear of the unknown and unfamiliar. I hope everything goes well. I'm feeling optimistic. Wish me luck.

Off topics:

- I attended my college friend's wedding this morning. It is probably the shortest wedding ever. It started 9 am and ended 12 pm. If you ask me, I'd also opt for the simple and no fuss wedding. I'd rather spend on my honeymoon. It's more logical and practical that way. I may enjoy weddings but attending weddings of friends and classmates make me feel old and nostalgic. I don't think it has really sunk in yet (feeling young pa kasi ako) that we've already reached that stage - yup that stage when it's now our turn to walk down the aisle of marital bliss or doom; whichever way you'd want to put it. I'd like to see myself more of an idealist though so I believe in marital bliss. The father-bride and mother-groom dance was very emotional and touching. Nakakaiyak. Kung ako rin yun, malamang iiyak din ako.

- What was supposed to be just an exhibition game (for charity) between Ateneo and La Salle turned out to be a good one. I was expecting the players to play halfheartedly but they didn't. It would've been better though if they pushed to OT. Nevertheless, I think we got our tickets' worth. Nothing beats cheering for school pride!

Happy Birthday Pops

Friday, March 14, 2008

Currently Playing...

I'm addicted to these songs right now.

1. Bleeding Love - Leona Lewis (really nice lyrics!)
2. Never Letchu Go - Janet Jackson (nice lyrics also)
3. These Hard Times - Matchbox 20
4. Broken - Lifehouse
5. Love in this Club - Usher feat. Young Jeezy
6. When You Look Me In The Eyes - Jonas Brothers
7. Empty - The Click Five
8. No Air - Jordin Sparks feat. Chris Brown
9. Somebody's Me - Enrique Iglesias
10. Cry - Rihanna
11. I'm Yours - Jason Mraz
12. Because of You - Neyo
13. Forget About Me - Little Bit
14. Cat and Mouse - The Red Jumpsuit Aparatus

:)))

Thursday, March 06, 2008

I have this silly stupid grin for the entire day.

Sheesh, I think I look like a crazy idiot now.

I can't help but smile whenever I think about it.

Unexpected is an understatement. Kainis! Hehe.

Maroon 5

Wednesday, March 05, 2008

I had the golden chance to watch Maroon 5 live and guess what...I passed!

Can you believe it?!? I freakin' passed!

Yep, I'm pretty sure I'm going to look back to this day with much regret and disappointment.

What was I thinking?!

I passed!

Decided

Note to self: I have to settle things first with the other party as amicably as possible. It is quite unsettling to be the one to deliver the bad news. I'm not exactly the best go to person at these break it to me gently kind of situations.

Anyhow...

After weeks of uncertainty, I have finally reached a decision. I have made my choice. I was hoping I made the right decision. However, a friend told me that there are really no right decisions and that there are always risks involved. Well come to think of it, he may be right. You can never be really sure no matter how much thought or preparation you've put or invested in.

So now I hope I'm making the better decision, the one with lesser risks.

I know I can't have it both ways. I can never have it both ways.

I wish I could though.

Burnt

Tuesday, March 04, 2008

Holy crap. I might have burned a bridge today.

I'm not so sure how things will play out in the next couple of days or so. I can only hope for the better. I'm keeping my fingers crossed that everything's going to be okay after all this hullabaloo.

I'm not good at this sort of thing. Well I thought I was. I should've just muted myself (parang remote control ba daw?). Hay I never learn. Tsk tsk tsk.

Sometimes I'm way too honest for my own good. Damn it.

Undecided

Monday, March 03, 2008

Oh crap. I'm stumped - again. While it's always good to have options, I must say it does make the decision making process a wee bit more complicated. I often wonder how I somehow always find myself stuck somewhere in the middle, which as we all know isn't necessarily the most favorable spot. Don't know which way to go now. I don't know what to do but I certainly don't want to burn bridges. I can't for the life of me make a sensible decision right now. Crappy crap!

Neyo Live

Friday, February 29, 2008

I have been looking forward to Neyo's concert for the last three weeks or so. I like most of his songs and I must say, his songs have some nice lyrics also. It's astig that I finally get to hear my favorite songs live. I especially like Because of You, Go On Girl, So Sick, Do You, Sexy Love and Can We Chill. Did you know he also wrote Mario's Let Me Love You, Rihanna's Umbrella and Beyonce's Irreplaceable? He's real good at what he's doing. Sayang lang kasi his concert was so short and bitin! I wouldn't mind sana if only he sang Hate That I Love You. Nevertheless, enjoy pa rin ako. Next on my list are Usher and Justin Timberlake! Heard they're also having their respective concerts here. Unfortunately, I'm going to miss Maroon 5 but I'm still keeping my fingers crossed and still hoping to score tickets on or before March 5.

Closing Chapters

Samahan ng mga Javanilla Addicts

It’s official. Today is my last working day at AIG. It hasn't really sunk in yet. I can’t believe that I would no longer be reporting to work come Monday. I think I still need to get used to the fact that I've finally ended the AIG chapter of my life and there's no turning back anymore. Hay, saying goodbye is never really easy no matter what the circumstances are and it doesn’t help at all that I tend to get emotionally attached. As I've mentioned before, 3 years is 3 years. It's not something that you forget or put aside easily. I’m feeling all sorts of mixed emotions right now. I feel sad. I feel excited. I feel anxious. I feel hopeful.

Javanilla Party! Sa uulitin, guys! =)

Natouch talaga ako sa mga gestures and reactions ng mga tao on my last day. It's ironic how all this time I thought I was just some random person in the office na parang wala lang so it makes me feel good to know that I've somehow made an impact pala on them. Thanks guys! For whatever its worth, I think I'm really going to miss everyone in AIG. Hope to see you guys around.

NBI Renewal 101

Tuesday, February 19, 2008

I went to SM Mega Mall early this morning in the hopes of having my NBI clearance renewed. Nakakatawa lang kasi there I was the eager beaver that I am all confident that it'll only take me a couple of minutes to finish everything when a semi-queue greeted me at the entrance of building A. It wasn't even 10:00 am yet! Nakakapagtaka lang talaga. Shopping early in the morning?! Oh common, that's way too much. Kahit strolling nga lang, ang OA na eh.

Ang comedy pa, the renewal kiosk was at building B! How could I have missed out on that small (but very important) detail?! Stupid me. To think, I frequent Mega Mall's building B on a daily basis. Sheesh, my sense of direction is very poor - I must improve. So as if I was part of some marathon, I started doing some serious brisk walking with a little sprinting from building A to building B - in heels, mind you! However when I finally got to the renewal kiosk, I was so surprised to see that there was already a long queue before me. I thought what the heck, maybe the line isn't that long yet since it's still early so I walked up to the 2nd floor, 3rd floor, 4th floor until I didn't bother anymore because it was pretty obvious that I wasn't going to get my NBI clearance renewed anymore. Well not unless I wanted to waste my entire whole day lining up until sawa. Grabe saan kaya nanggaling yung mga tao? Hello noh, kung sa paagahan lang ang basehan, I was already patiently queuing outside the doors of mega building A at exactly 9:50 am. Hey! I was early, in fairness to me.

Well to cut my misadventure short, I decided to try it out at our city hall in Mandaluyong. As it turns out, it only took me a couple of minutes to renew my NBI clearance. Ganun ka simple lang pala eh! Geez luiz.

Exit Ko

Tuesday, February 12, 2008

Dang it! I shared more than I intended. Hmm...definitely more than I should have. In as much as I wanted to exit with grace and composure, I could just not hold it all in any longer after much prodding and maneuvering. Grabe I wasn't prepared at all. I was expecting it would be just like any other normal exit with the usual BS's. However once the tears started, I just lost it. Hay, my emotions got the best of me this time. If there's any consolation, at least I was honest.

Finally

Wednesday, February 06, 2008

CHANGE

"The important thing is this: to be able at any moment to sacrifice what we are for what we could become."

Charles Du Bos takes full aim at the infamous "comfort zone", wherein we may not like where we are, and we might even grumble about it, but we choose to hang on to what we know rather than take a leap forward into uncertainty. Yet it is only in letting go of that we have that we can grab hold of what we might become. Better. Kinder. Happier. More successful. Healthier. More self-confident. Whatever transformation we wish to make, we must first leave behind the old before becoming the new.

I finally did it! I guess this is it. There's no turning back now. It was a hard thing to do but you gotta do what you gotta do, right? I had to remove whatever emotional attachment I have for this company and its people just so I could follow through. At the end of it all, I don’t want to look back with regrets for not having had the guts to pursue greater goals for myself. More so, I’m single and I'm young albeit not getting any younger anymore (lol!) and so if any, now is the best time to take risks and explore new things. Opportunities do not present itself often so I do not want to let this one pass just because of mixed emotions and whatever fears of uncertainty that I may have. Despite all the doubts and hesitations, I believe that moving on will do me more good than harm. 3 years is 3 years but maybe moving out of my comfort zone is exactly what I need now. Hey change can be a good thing too, you know.

Whatever Works

Tuesday, January 29, 2008

During our usual Saturday lunch, I got some flack over something that really is nothing to begin with. Hence...my point of observation.

Point of observation: Older people are more resistant to change. That is, because they seem to be narrower minded. Well at least the older people that I know. They continue to impose the old norm defying all sorts of logical reasoning. Sometimes it gets so frustrating and twisted already, seriously. All I’m saying is we should be more open minded. We should not be restricted to the confines of the old. We shouldn’t completely disregard the new in favor of the old just because. Old norms exist to serve as a guide but we should not be blinded into thinking that it is the be all and end all of everything.

While the old norms have undoubtedly been the practice of many generations, it is utter foolishness and stupidity to think that it is full proof. Times are constantly changing. Therefore, it is very important for us to be able to adapt and readjust. What may have worked before may not necessarily work now. More so what may have worked for you may not exactly work for me. Heck, what may have worked for the majority does not even give me any guarantee at all!

Don’t get me wrong, I’m all for the old norm. However, we should never let these norms define the persons that we are nor should we let these norms limit our friendships and/or relationships and other life’s great potentials; take love and happiness, for instance.

What's It Gonna Be?

Sunday, January 27, 2008

I’m currently faced with the daunting task of having to make a decision. Mind you, it’s a huge decision – one that can make or break you. Well as in this case, I suppose make or break…ME? Yikes. This probably is a no brainer decision for others most especially for the few selected people in the know who have been privy to my endless and unedited tales of (FILL IN THE BLANKS). In fact, some people are already decided. They have decided without even batting an eyelash. See…they’re THAT sure. I guess I can’t blame them since they’ve been witnesses to my never ending horror slash sob stories. However despite the decisions that were already made for me, I’m not entirely sold on this matter. Well at least, not yet.

Fortunately or unfortunately, I was given a tight deadline on this one. Needless to say, I no longer have the luxury of procrastination (hehe). I know I may sound a tad too O.A. but oh common, this is my life that we’re talking about here. This decision can shift the course of my life! This decision can either put me in deeper shit or in even more unnecessary misery. I can’t, I don’t want to and I definitely can’t afford for the life of me make any hasty decisions now. The decision may seem pretty clear and obvious once all the facts are laid out on the table but I still don’t want to make any sweeping judgments. I need as much advice as I can get but I still want to be able to make my own decision. Ultimately, it is very important for me to be able to make the final decision on my own.

Given the circumstances - past and present, I thought this was going to be an easy breezy decision. I actually didn’t think it’ll be this hard given the crap that I’ve been through. I’ve been sort of setting myself up for this as far back as 2006. Well now that the moment of truth has come, I surprisingly find myself in troubled waters. It feels as if I’m at a crossroad once again. Mahirap din pala in spite of everything that has happened. In all fairness kasi, it wasn’t all bad. However potentially exciting things can be, I guess the fear of the unknown and the unfamiliar worries me the most.

Pending my decision, I can’t give away any more information than I already have. Lest I expose all my playing cards or whatever aces I have, it’s in my best interest as of the moment to sound as obscure and confusing - although I really am confused and unsure of everything!

I guess I’ve realized now that letting go and moving on is never really going to be easy no matter what the circumstances are - no matter how much hate, resentment and hurt you once had. It’s just hard to let go of something you’ve already grown so familiar with. After doing some rational thinking of my own, I’ve actually decided that I’m ready to move on. It’s time to move on. I think moving on will do me more good than harm.

However, my moving on is not a done deal yet. The thing is, my moving on will still be highly dependent upon another make or break kind of decision. I’ve been seriously contemplating on how to play my cards right for the past couple of days. Despite the temptation, I don’t want to settle just yet. I’m not being unreasonable at all or anything but I really truly absolutely believe I deserve more. Therefore having said that, I guess I just might have to take a huge risk on this one. I'll feel more comfortable and I'll feel better about myself knowing that at least I tried and I fought hard. And if, after all this hoopla, it doesn’t work out, I'm going to take it as it is without any regrets whatsoever. The way I see it kasi, if it's meant to be then it's meant to be...yun lang yun.

Music and Lyrics + (Love)

Friday, January 18, 2008

I am super loving Chris Brown's With You. Nice song. Parang ang sarap ma-in love. Sigh.

Another song that I'm also loving is Neyo's Go On Girl. So sad this song. Sometimes talaga you just have to let go and move on. Hay, ang hirap siguro.

Ironically, I'm loving both songs right now. Both songs have very nice lyrics albeit the obvious disparity.

Hay, Love is such a complicated matter.

But does it really have to be complicated?

Isn't Love supposed to be simple and straightforward?

Or maybe it really is. WE just tend to over complicate a lot of things more so when it comes to special matters of the heart.

2008!

Wednesday, January 02, 2008

I don’t usually do New Year resolutions simply because I know I’d end up forgetting all about it in barely a week’s time because I’m either busy or nagbusy busyhan or just plain lazy (hehe).

For some reason though, I have, unexpectedly, mentally listed a couple of resolutions for 2008. However, I’m keeping it to myself lest I won’t be able to follow through and people are going to have their freakin’ eyebrows raised again. Nonetheless, I’m actually serious at keeping at least one if not all of my resolutions. I just need to figure a way to get my lazy ass moving!

I’m welcoming 2008 with a spankin' new clean slate. I want to start anew with (1) lesser expectations, (2) more open mindedness and (3) lots of optimism.

So here’s to better things to come and nothing but good times ahead…

Cheers! ;)