Individualism

Friday, December 22, 2006

Just because everybody’s doing it and just because it's the popular decision or thing to do or way to go, doesn’t mean I have to follow suit. It's just a matter of truly knowing what you want and being absolutely comfortable with it. Gaya gaya puto maya.

Less Talk, Less Trouble

Wednesday, December 20, 2006

With the merger and all the changes that are being implemented, our department seems to be split apart. The line isn’t as obvious yet but pretty soon, it’s going to manifest itself in the form of clashing personalities (and cat fights?). Some people are already scrambling and holding on to dear positions and posts (pati upuan!) while others – like me – couldn’t care less. Well I try to be as apathetic as I can be. I just don’t want to get involved with all the politicking and brouhaha. I deem it best to just leave it up to the “bosses.” I may not be a big fan of my boss but I guess she still has my loyalty however waning it may be (you can call me a martyr now). Nonetheless, I’m staying neutral as much as and for as long as I can. I’m going to try my damn best to mind my own business. I don’t want to take sides and I definitely don’t want to be caught in the middle either. From the looks of it though, it seems like I’m heading towards the middle. And so to remedy the situation, I’ve pledged to keep my silence. That is, to keep my lips zipped locked until such time when things start to cool down, when the battle gears are dropped. From this day onwards, I'm on a self-imposed gag. Basta trabaho lang. Basta stick to the facts lang. So does this mean an exciting and interesting year ahead? Good luck!

Goodbye Planner

Friday, December 08, 2006

Hassle, I lost my Starbucks card. I was about to complete my 12th sticker already. Sayang talaga. It’s a good thing I wasn’t really all out on completing the entire card. I was just nakikisabay or nakikigulo lang sa mga tao, more like having an excuse to go to Starbucks everyday. Oh well, on a positive note, at least I made somebody else’s day. My officemate says otherwise though, sabi niya sa akin...di bale lalaki naman ang ilong niya for not returning it (haha!). I guess it's my fault. How could I have been so careless? Buti nalang, it's not something that I feel strongly about. 

Lesson learned: never take the smallest of things for granted.

The Devil Wears Prada?

Wednesday, October 11, 2006

It has nothing to do with the job. It suddenly hit me. It's not the job that I hate. It's not the job that makes me miserable from time to time. I've already proven to myself that this is something that I can actually do. I believe that this job has a huge potential in terms of growth and opportunities and most especially if I were to improve and immerse myself even more. I have a long way to go but I know I'll get there – slowly but surely. I suddenly realized that my boss is actually the primary reason why I'm so adamant on handing in my resignation letter. If only I could or as the case being if I were permitted by my parents, I'd resign even before the expiration of my contract. She's not your typical in-your-face terror kind of boss. Her style is very subtle that it’s barely distinguishable. She’s an obsessive compulsive smart ass. It seems that nothing is good enough. She never fails to find a loophole to the point that she'd even take notice of very trivial details. And no matter how much justification, she will always have something to say (read: mahilig siyang mang-bara). I feel helpless as I can't really answer back without coming off as disrespectful. After all, she still is my boss. There is still that demarcation line between a superior and a subordinate. Unless it's below the belt, I have no choice but to act like a true professional. Pinasukan ko ito kaya kailangan ko ng panindigan. If I'm used to speaking my mind at home or wherever, I have to restrain myself at work. Maybe I'm taking things a little too personally? Or who knows, maybe she's doing all these things on purpose for whatever reason she has. I'm giving her though the benefit of the doubt for now. I honestly have nothing against her character per se. Moreover, having started at the bottom and having almost a decade of experience tucked under her belt, she does know her craft quite well. I just don't like her style of managing people. I will not go into details anymore. Ang dating lang sa akin is kailangan pahirapan talaga even if you don't really have to. Kaya sometimes talaga I can't help but feel that it's not worth it anymore. Kasimple-simpleng bagay na nga lang as going home, kailangan mo pang paghirapan.

Someone asked me what will make me stay. As of this writing, I don't think anything can and will make me stay – not even a promotion or a raise. At this point, I couldn't care less what other people will make out of my decision. I don't care about those raised eyebrows anymore. I guess I've passed that stage already. I really don't see the point of staying when I no longer see myself growing and when the goals I've established at the onset are no longer achievable. Maybe I was just expecting too much out of all this and or maybe I'm just in a rush to want things to happen right away. Ang akin lang kasi, whichever side you look at it, we have the training already safely tucked under our names and that was what supposedly will give us the "edge". There are those who will argue that all the other MAs may be way more senior than us or there may be others in our department who were ahead of us or who are "relatively" better but just the same, we have every right to enjoy the fruits or full benefits of our training - regardless of all the brouhaha and whatever factor - both subjective and objective - that one can concoct or think of. Otherwise, it's going to be their loss - not mine.

I Did It!

Monday, September 25, 2006

Yes, I've finally graduated from AIG Consumer Finance Group's Managament Associate Program aka Camp David. It's officially over and done with. I did it. I feel good and I feel relieved. It feels as if a huge truckload of pressure has been lifted off my shoulder. I had my final presentation piece this morning. It was by far the biggest presentation I've ever done - on my own. Not even our final presentation in Hong Kong (for the Regional execs) last year could even surpass this feat. I worked my butt off for this. I worked real hard. I went through a whole lot of shit just to get by. Buti nalang it went pretty well. I think I could have performed better though but okay na rin kasi I was expecting for the worst talaga. I'm happy because all the feedbacks that we got from both local and regional exceuctives were all positive so I'll take it as a good sign. Sabi ko nga, the future looks rosy for me. Maybe I'm still on a high but really the sun is starting to shine on my side. You should have seen me last week. I was so sabog. Some people in the office even commented that our faces look more "aliwalas" na daw compared to last week. I'm just so glad to have come this far. It wasn't easy but at least ngayon alam ko sa sarili ko na kaya ko pala.

Come Again?

Saturday, September 09, 2006

I don't see the point of listening to all the crap a person has to say to me, most especially if I've already heard it not just once or twice but for God knows how long. I mean, it's the same crap time and again. (1) I really don't want to participate in all the cursing and shouting. I don't curse to begin with and I was never a shouter anyway. (2) I just don't want to argue anymore. I'm tired of having to defend myself all the time – I sound like a broken record na nga at times. (3) What for if the other person refuses to listen? It's impossible to talk to close minded people as they already have their own pre-conceived notions and judgments. Your opinions wouldn't really matter anymore because everything falls on deaf ears. It's always their way and no other way. (4) I don't want to be part of their negative vibe. There's just too much anger and bitterness that it saps the energy right out of me. Sometimes it's just not worth it to go through all the trouble and hassle because I only end up irritated, frustrated and with a very bad day. So rather than going head to head, I stepped back and made all the effort to keep my mouth tightly shut. I purposely zoned out as I let the other person do all the yapping - as in nothing really registered to me and it felt good. I don't want to get affected with all the negative things being hurled at me. I don't want to bother explaining myself either. So from now on, they can say what they want to say. Kebs na ako. Basta ako...

It's less tiring this way.

Working Blues

Monday, August 21, 2006

From One Tree Hill…

"Everyday is A Sunday Evening"

"You know that feeling you get on a Sunday? When you just have the whole day to yourself, and it's been great, but then you remember you have to go to school the next day, and it ruins the whole rest of the night.”

I never really had a problem about having to go to school but this is exactly what I feel most of the time towards work.

Feel ko lang...

Sunday, August 20, 2006

In my Must Do List right now is WALL / ROCK CLIMBING. I don’t think I have the upper body strength but what the heck, I still want to try it out.

As opposed to my Dec 15, 2004 post, which I’m still bent on accomplishing someday – kahit isa man lang, this one is something that is more doable and possible. But first, I need to find a willing person. Di ko ata kaya ng mag-isa, hehe.

O Nga Naman...

Friday, August 18, 2006

My horoscope for today seems to have hit the bull's eye. Maybe it isn't as bad as I'm "believing" it to be. I probably am making mountains out of molehills. Point well taken.

Kebs AKo

Tuesday, August 01, 2006

While I was walking the aisles of Fully Booked a couple of weeks ago, one of the books that caught my eye was Lois P. Frankel's Nice Girls Don't Get The Corner Office 101 - Unconscious Mistakes Women Make That Sabotage Their Careers. Unfortunately as it turned out, this book seems to be describing most of the supposedly "wrong" things that I'm unconsciously doing at work. Read: If you work nonstop without a break...worry about offending others and back down too easily...explain too much when asked for information...or "poll" your friends and colleagues before making a decision, chances are you have been bypassed for promotions and ignored when you expressed your ideas. Although you may not be aware of it, girlish behaviors such as these are sabotaging your career!

Sometimes being nice just isn't enough anymore. It's not that I have to exert effort to be nice. What can I do if everything is really honest to goodness okay for me? I really don't see any reason to complicate things any further or make things difficult for others. For as long as it's something that I can do and I'm comfortable with, I'd be more than willing to help or share. It just takes a whole lot to piss me off. My patience can stretch the mile when it comes to dealing with difficult and/or stupid people. I can shrug at crappy insensitive jokes all in the name of "fun" or camaraderie. Really, I don't get irritated easily. I can't even remember the last time I was fuming mad. Ganun lang talaga ako, I guess.

However, a recent experience at work has made me come to the realization that nice girls always finish last. Being nice doesn't cut it anymore. Henceforth, I've resolved to consciously exert more effort not to be nice at work. Even if it's really okay, it's no longer going to be okay anymore. I'm not going to be as considerate anymore. After all, most people aren't really that considerate anyway. Bastusan na kung bastusan basta I'm going to be "kebs" about everything at work - a term I'm borrowing from my sister, a term she uses for I don't care or I couldn't care less or wala akong pakialam. So kebs na ako if I'm on the bad side of my boss. Kebs ako if I piss her off because of some mistake I made. Kebs ako if I always come in the office last (hello, everyone in my tiny department comes in on average at least 30mins earlier!). Kebs ako if I always leave the office first (hello, try working in a tiny department where on average everyone leaves way past dinner time). Kebs ako if iba ang trip ko sa mga officemates ko. Kebs ako if I don't do the usual things that my officemates do. Kebs ako if I'm out of the loop. Kebs ako if I'm not the best employee. Kebs ako sa lahat - n.r., walang pakialam, don't care.

The Why Are You Still Single Test

Sunday, July 23, 2006

Candice, you're single because you don't want to slow down...

Whether you're working all hours, busy with school, or planning a cross-country move, it sounds like you just don't have time for anyone else in your life...right now, that is. Your timing may be off in other aspects, too. Chances are, you've met that perfect person who just so happens to be married (ed. or attached) or planning their own cross-country move. So take a step back for a moment. Is there something underlying this?

Could it be you're afraid to get involved for some reason or another, and are therefore attracted to people who are simply unavailable? Whether you're secretly sabotaging yourself or not, try a little exercise. Open your mind to those who are around you (and available!) right now. Then let up on your schedule to let that someone in. That is, unless you want to get married to your goals, and not Mr. or Mrs. Right.

Omg, is this a sign? Interesting result - but definitely in a negative way. Actually, I wasn't really surprised anymore with the results of this test. In a way, subconsciously alam ko na rin and in denial nalang ako siguro. Maybe it's about time for me to reassess my situation and take a different approach naman or do something about it, I guess. This is one of those wake up calls that I have to make to thy self.

K.I.T.

Frustrating as it is, I think relationships are harder to keep as we grow older and as priorities start to change. Often, we busy and exhaust ourselves with work and other things that relationships start to take the back seat. I personally feel that it takes tons of effort to keep in touch on a regular basis especially if there's no everyday physical contact. Although communication is made easier with the help of modern technology, for me iba pa rin talaga kapag in person and face-to-face.

Despite the absence of constant and physical communication though, it's good to know that friendships have still remained intact. I honestly miss the good old days when we'd see each other everyday (in school). I miss the times when we'd get to talk to each other anytime or just hang out. I miss the jokes and kalokohans. It's really nice to have the feeling of familiarity and the closeness of their company. It's funny though how the experiences that we share are somehow on a more grown-up level now. It's strange how we've all suddenly grown into these so-called matured adults with a much more different take on life. As the general sentiment of this entry is about rekindling old friendships, the reason being because incidentally for the last two weekends, I met and caught up with a couple of friends from high school and college whom I haven't seen in ages. All were very pleasant dates. If only we could all squeeze in more time together and make this a regular thing and be part of all the changes in each other's lives.

On World Geography

Friday, July 14, 2006

Have you ever wondered how many countries are there in the world? I did. To satisfy my curiosity, I searched the ever so reliable world wide web for a solid answer.

By Most Accounts, 193 is the Correct Answer
A very frequent geographical question is "How many countries are in the world?." Different numbers pop up when one inquires or reads about the number of countries in the world. Each source you use often yields a different answer.

United Nations
There are 192 members of the United Nations. Unfortunately, the number 192 is too often used to represent the number of countries in the world. Although this number represents almost all of the countries in the world, there is still one country (the Vatican City) that is independent and has chosen not to become a member of the U.N. so 192 is not the number of countries in the world.

U.S. Department of State
The United States' State Department recognizes 193 independent countries around the world.

Their list of 193 countries reflects the political agenda of the United States of America and its allies. Missing from the State Department's list is one entity that may or may not be considered a country, depending on who you talk to.

The One Outsider
Taiwan meets most, but not all of the requirements of independent country or state status. However, due to political reasons, it fails to be recognized by the United States and much of the rest of the world. If it were recognized, it would be considered a country.

Taiwan was actually a member of the United Nations (and even the Security Council) until 1971, when mainland China replaced Taiwan in the organization. Taiwan continues to press for full recognition by other countries, to become "part of the club" and fully recognized worldwide but China claims that Taiwan is simply a province of China.

Thus...
Your Guide considers there to be 193 countries in the world, which is probably the best current answer to the question, "How many countries are in the world?" unless Taiwan becomes officially recognized by the international community, in which case the answer would be 194.

However...
Recognize that there are dozens of territories and colonies that are sometimes erroneously called "countries" but don't count at all - they're governed by other countries. Places commonly confused as being countries include Puerto Rico, Bermuda, Greenland, Palestine, Western Sahara, and even the components of the United Kingdom (such as Northern Ireland, Scotland, Wales, and England - sorry folks, they're not countries, states, or nation-states).

Hmmm...interesting.

The So-Called F Word

Sunday, July 09, 2006

I heard mass this morning and interestingly, I found today's homily very meaningful.

The officiating priest posed a question, what do you fear the most? What is your greatest fear?

According to the priest, a survey conudcted by Wall Street Journal to some random 10,000 people show that the three things that people fear the most are as follows: (3) death / kamatayan, (2) loneliness / kalungkutan and lastly, (1) failure / kabiguan.

For this entry though, I'd like to ponder on the fear of failure. Coincidentally, the fear of failure is something which I think I have been subconsciously worrying about all this time. Well actually, only since I started to make my way to the real world - the corporate world, that is. I mean, I knew I was often anxious or worried about something but I never really thought about it concretely or in this way. Well, not until now.

The priest said the quickest road to failure is as follows: to give up right away, self-pity and self-centeredness. And you know what, I couldn't agree more. Whoever said life is going to be easy anyway? We just need to keep the faith. We need to have a strong faith in ourselves and most importantly, in God.

Rather than giving my two cents worth on the given subject, here's an article I stumbled upon which says it all already and which I believe makes perfectly good sense. It's a little long but if you're currently in dire need of some source of inspiration then read on buddy! ;)

DEALING WITH SO-CALLED FAILURE

by Jeffery Combs

What makes the difference between ordinary and extraordinary, between average and excellent, mediocre and superb? Is it family background? Are achievers born into wealth? Is it better opportunities for certain people? Opportunity is a strange thing because two people with similar gifts, talents and resources can look at a situation and one person will see tremendous opportunity while the other is negative and skeptical. One man's junk is another man's jewel. Opportunity is like beauty. It's in the eye of the beholder.

Is achievement gained because of hardship or because of lack of hardship? Is it high morals or how about a great education? Perhaps here is the great secret. Well, I believe it is none of these items. The bottom line that separates those who achieve from those who don't is different perceptions and responses to what many people consider failure. Nothing else has such a dramatic impact on people's ability to achieve and to accomplish whatever they set out to accomplish. There are literally thousands of ways to become a winner and the sure way I know of to stay average is to fail and not investigate what you gained from the apparent failure. Through trial and error, I eventually taught myself how to view, what most people say is failure, differently. I taught myself that everything happens for a reason.

When a situation or a circumstance happens and it doesn't appear favorably for me at that moment, I have learned to detach, pull back, instead of over-reacting to the circumstances. By detaching, I'm talking about the thought process I now take now rather than the ones I used to take before. There are many situations you cannot change but you can definitely change how you view them, especially related to what most people perceive to be failure. I ask people all the time who say they've failed, I say, "Have you really? Did you really fail?" Then I ask them the next question - "What did you gain, who did you meet, how did it develop character, what happened because of the situation?"

I thoroughly believe that for every door that closes, a new window opens. I have seen many average people who have never had success in any other endeavors have fantastic success in direct sales, networking or in any kind of small business. I have also seen many people who have success in a corporate environment fail miserably as an entrepreneur. To a large extent, the reason the failure rate is so high in free enterprise is that we as a society are not prepared and not mentally conditioned to deal with the inevitable emotional roller coaster of entrepreneurship. We are taught through education, training, college, other schooling and on the job training to become good employees. We end up learning job skills, not the free thinking skills that lead to success as an entrepreneur. Most of all we are not taught how to look at our mistakes and failures properly. Once again, I believe there is no such thing as failure. Every blade of grass we walk upon brings us to this moment which is officially called now, the present, or officially now o'clock.

I have personally attended hundreds of seminars, rallies and conventions over the last several years and have heard the stories and testimonies of people who have succeeded. It often looks easy from the audience perspective to make a $10,000 per month check or have a $100,000 per year. I remember in my early career, seeing these people and saying to myself, that if they can do it, so can I. They are no different. That was true, except the difference between them and me was a few key points that I had to learn in the journey. Skills such as developing a belief, understanding how to market myself, how to be consistent, how to be self-motivated over time to create what is called compounding. Internal compounding is going to be the difference between average and exceptional. Internal compounding really begins with you becoming comfortable with yourself - becoming the person you deserve to be, really having a belief in yourself, a sense of certainty that no matter what obstacles, what roadblocks, what challenges, what hurdles arrive in your way, you begin to turn roadblocks into building blocks.

You're going to learn a different perception of challenges and overcoming them right now. Most important, with simple disciplines, learned, acquired and then diligently and consistently applied over a period of time, you start to release yourself from the attachment of what most people consider to be failure. Personal growth coupled with a plan of action. Diligent and consistent action to produce results not only in yourself, but with others, too. The heart of a champion, developing heart rather than just relying on your talent.

Do not compare yourself to others. You never know the price someone has paid to get to their promised land, and they did pay it at one time or another. Even the statement, "paying the price" is unusual. A good friend and motivational speaker once said to me, "Jeff, it's not a price, it's a privilege." Indeed, my friends that is a whole different perspective. Are you really paying a price or is it a privilege to be going through the process that you are going through? Most importantly, it is imperative that you start to view your past failures differently and change how you view challenges and obstacles that face you today and in the future.

One of the most common problems I see in free enterprise and entrepreneurship is that people quit too soon. Not only to do they quit too soon, they never even start and they often quit too easily and too often. They then go back to what already wasn't working for them, usually a job, and give up on their dreams. I have found that if you don't have dreams, you end up working for people who do. In a job, typically, you're creating someone else's dream and that's not to say that jobs are bad, but will you ever get your promised land, producing results for someone else in their dream? That is an interesting question. Success isn't always easy is it? And definitely not a sprint, it's a marathon. Most people quit in free enterprise in their first 90 days, six months or one year. This is a usual pattern for most people; they don't stay in the game long enough to learn the survival skills required to win the game of their life. They dabble, they give it a shot, they try, they wish, they hope, they'd like to, they think about it, they take little action, get their feelings hurt, test the water and, most of all, treat it like a hobby, then it costs them enough money, so they quit and say, "It didn't work for me" or "I got burned."

Free enterprise is about going through mind shifts, evolutions of new consciousness, getting out of the box, off the sidelines, in the game, playing offense rather than defense, learning life skills so that you can get paid what you are worth. It is the opportunity to win the game of life on your terms, in your time frame. Quitters never win and winners never quit. Winners learn how to fail more intelligently. Isn't it time you learned how to treat failure differently? Isn't it time you changed how you've been changing?

Thanks, But No Thanks

Saturday, July 08, 2006

If somebody - who is neither a stranger nor a friend to you - asks for your number, is it possible to decline politely? How can you decline without coming off as too "feeling"? It is common sense to know that it doesn't necessarily mean that a person has, shall we say, some sort of "special attraction" just because he asks for your number or he pays you some extra attention. I mean, you wouldn't really know for sure what the other person's real intentions are. Some may just want to have it for networking purposes, for future reference or for business, nothing more. Assumptions are rather very subjective. Assumptions are nothing more than unfounded pieces of self-defined truths.

I guess giving away one's number is harmless. However, constant messages can be really annoying most especially if the other person couldn't take the hint that, assumptions aside, unless it's work or business related, you're just not interested.

Worse, no matter how hard you try you just can't seem to ride with all the forwarded jokes or messages. Blame it on having totally different wavelengths, I guess. It's not so much about pre-judging a person. You don't feel like responding just because it makes you feel uneasy and in some cases, it's just not right - literally and figuratively speaking. The last thing that you would want to do is to send the wrong signal by replying just out of courtesy.

Worst, it has reached the point when you no longer want to bother reading the messages anymore and you automatically look for the delete option. Messages sent irritate you because either it's too duh, bordering on jologs, cheesy or pa-cute. Bottom line is, coming from that person, hindi lang talaga bagay. You couldn't fathom what the hell that person is trying to do or prove. Don't you just hate it when a person acts and speaks differently to you in non-verbal forms of communication as he would face-to-face?

Lest that feelings will be hurt, you take the subtle route of no reaction. How hard can it be to ignore a person, right? And if non-response is not enough, maybe it's about time to take drastic measures such as flat out, in your face rejection.

Terrible Friday

Friday, July 07, 2006

Shit happens, so what else is new?

I had a bad day today - definitely not my day. Why? Don't ask. It's too frustrating to even share.

If there's any consolation, thank God it's already Friday.

My horoscope today seems to be very encouraging though. "When it comes to tough situations, attitude is everything. Thinking in doomsday scenarios usually creates a self-fulfilling prophecy. Put that chin up - now put it up even higher. Things will go your way very soon." How apt.

Easy Like Sunday Morning

Sunday, June 25, 2006

I'm a certified morning person. I always was. For as long as it doesn't require me from getting up earlier than 8:30 or 9:00 am, I'm all good. By the standards of people my age, 8:30 to 9:00 am is considered very early already. I like it most when I get to wake up on my own time and I get to stay a little longer in bed lying down - yung nagmumuni-muni ba (hehe). I would usually make it a point to get up on or before 10:00 am though. It may be a little surprising or weird to know that I enjoy something as ordinary or mundane as breakfasts. Yes, having breakfasts is a simple pleasure that I truly enjoy. Good coffee and the dailies are a must. I don't know why but I just find it very relaxing. I call it my chill mode. Everything seems on fast forward mode nowadays. I guess it's my way of slowing down. As cheesy as I'm going to sound, nobody seems to take the time out to relish the start of a fresh new day anymore. It's either people wake up to rush off to do their errands or they wake up really late just in time for lunch or worse, for merienda. Kanya-kanyang style siguro. For me, nothing beats starting my day easy like Sunday morning.

Deal or No Deal

Friday, June 23, 2006

Before entering into any contract, you have to think real hard. You have to be more than a hundred times sure that it's what you want, that it's what your heart desires. If the aforementioned is lacking then you better be sure that you have the balls to follow through. Contracts are no laughing matter. You have to be dead set and serious about committing yourself. Sure, other people's opinion especially those close to you, will matter but no one but you will ultimately have the final decision. No matter how hard you try, you can never please everyone anyway. It's not so much about making the popular decision. Rather, it's about making the right decision, one that you're comfortable with. And it's your life after all, not theirs.

However as expected, there are no guarantees. Hence, be always prepared for the worst case scenario. Have a PLAN B, if you will. Having the courage and patience to face and deal with whatever complications and/or consequences that may arise is crucially important. By all means, you have to stick to your guns. You have to stand by your decision. Well unless it's life changing or threatening or you seriously and truthfully can no longer take it anymore then maybe it's okay to want out. Otherwise, you have to be strong enough to hold on tightly for the long haul. It's tough to be tied down by a contract that keeps you from doing freely the things that you're more inclined to do. Worse, it limits you from moving on. From the onset, I had my doubts. I already knew that this wasn't something that I really like or will excel in for that matter. It's not something that I'd see myself happily doing repetitively day in and day out for a long period of time. I knew my limitations. Anything that's either too technical or mathematical is definitely one. I had some reservations. Not being able to enjoy myself and excel are just a couple. But still, I chose the popular decision anyway. While I may have been persuaded, I put no blame on anyone. It was I who signed the contract. It was I who consented to the whole thing. More than the obvious reasons (e.g., family's and other people's expectations, chance to train and live abroad by myself, sizeable training compensation), I took it as a challenge upon myself. I really wanted to learn and hone whatever mathematical or technical skills that I may have left hidden or undiscovered. I know it really wasn't my cup of tea but I wanted to try it out and force myself to learn and like the analytical side of things. I'm not so sure though if it's the job per se that doesn't fit me well, the company I'm working for, or maybe it's the whole corporate world that's getting into me. I mean, the job is quite interesting though but I just don't see myself growing in this company. Maybe I'm just not cut out for all this. Maybe I'm just not fit enough to climb the ladder. Honestly, I have constantly entertained the thought of calling it quits. But deep down, I know that I haven't really exhausted all my options yet. I know that there are still ways and means to make this work. And no matter how unfavorable the situation is or circumstances are, this is still something that can be dealt with accordingly. I know I can make this work if I really want to. I know that I haven't given my very best and maybe if I tried hard enough, I'd be able to pull through with flying colors. I know that eventually something good will come out of this whole experience. I may have gone through a one hell of an emotional roller coaster ride barely six months into the contract but it feels as if I've already gained so much more. I've learned a lot about the business. I've learned how to deal with different kinds of people. I've learned how to face hardships and challenges straight in the eye. Most importantly, I've learned a whole lot about myself. Now that I'm going close to a year and half into my contract, I literally feel stronger and a tad bit wiser. I know I can't quit - especially not now. And despite all the trouble and everything that has happened in the past year and a half, I'm still a-okay and I don't think there's a need for any sort of exit plan or strategy just yet. I've decided I'll take my chances. I'm not going to take the easy way out. So in the meantime though, I'm in this for better or worst for as long as I can endure. And so my answer is, no deal! (no pun intended!)

Any Day but Today?

Friday, June 16, 2006

From Grey's Anatomy, Meredith Grey: A couple of hundred years ago, Benjamin Franklin shared with the world the secret of his success. Never leave that till tomorrow, he said, which you can do today. This is the man who discovered electricity. You think more people would listen to what he had to say. I don't know why we put things off, but if I had to guess, I'd have to say it has a lot to do with fear. Fear of failure, fear of rejection, sometimes the fear is just of making a decision, because what if you're wrong? What if you're making a mistake you can't undo? The early bird catches the worm. A stitch in time saves nine. He who hesitates is lost. We can't pretend we hadn't been told. We've all heard the proverbs, heard the philosophers, heard our grandparents warning us about wasted time, heard the damn poets urging us to seize the day. Still sometimes we have to see for ourselves. We have to make our own mistakes. We have to learn our own lessons. We have to sweep today's possibility under tomorrow's rug until we can't anymore. Until we finally understand for ourselves what Benjamin Franklin really meant. That knowing is better than wondering, that waking is better than sleeping, and even the biggest failure, even the worst, beat the hell out of never trying.

Makes total sense to me. Now, I just have to figure out a way on how to get my butt moving. I need to stop all the procrastination. Maybe it's about not wanting to get out of my so-called comfort zone. Maybe it's about not being ready. The question is, when am I going to be ready? More like, will I ever be ready? Well, we all have our reasons and/or sorry excuses why we put things off. Often, we've already made our own set of negative assumptions and conclusions before even trying. If things don't work out, so they say experience is the best teacher. Fears and hesitations aside, it's all about giving your one best shot. Only then will you truly know. Only then will you ever know.

The Week That Was

Friday, June 09, 2006

This week has been relatively good at work. This week was like a fresh of breath air to me. I literally breeze through this one. It's not because something or anything big happened. It's just that the work load seemed surprisingly lighter and easier to handle and to top it all of, my boss took a week long worth of vacation leave. Needless to say, I got to go home no later than 7pm for the entire week. I have nothing against my boss. She's nice and all that. It's just that I don't really like working late - that's all. I mean, do I really have to put in more hours just because my boss prefers to work long and late hours? By the time the clock ticks 7pm, I start to lag. My mind starts to wander elsewhere. My energy level starts to drop. I honestly think I'm more prone to making mistakes caused by fatigue and irritation. In short, I'm no longer a happy camper. I really think that going home on my own time is so much healthier. Actually, all my ranting, whining and complaining has been kept to a minimum for the entire week. I'll do away with all that though. Well, eventually. I also noticed that I feel more re-energized and upbeat to go to work the following day. So the week that was was such a refresher minus the usual stress and pressure and yeah, minus my boss. I wish I could have more weeks like this one.

LOL

Saturday, May 27, 2006

Laughter is the best medicine. It really is. When the going gets tough, when everything seems to go wrong and when all else fails, sometimes it does help to just laugh it off rather than overanalyzing or over rationalizing things. I guess it's okay to laugh at my own faults and kapalpakan(s) or even after making a complete fool out of myself. I guess it's better to laugh at an utterly embarrassing moment or at those diyahe and awkward moments. Taking things too seriously, as how most of us would usually react, wouldn't necessarily help alleviate the situation. Worrying over and over again wouldn't actually help either. Unless you are this highly gifted person who can turn back time, which I highly doubt, there's no point in crying over spilled milk. Sometimes it's better to just be yourself and act or look silly rather than trying to impress other people by trying too damn hard to act and look "cool." Sablay na kung sablay! Enough of the pagpapa-impress crap. Doesn't laughing make you feel light and easy? It makes you feel good. It makes you feel better on bad days that seem to drag on. Have you ever thought about how laughter has the power to connect us to each other? They say, "Laughter is the shortest distance between two people." It's a starting point for strangers and acquaintances alike. It's a common ground for extremely different people, for people of different ages, for people from different walks of life. It's like a safety net for people who are na-diya-diyahe with each other. It's like a ceasefire for people who are at odds with each other. It's like a familiar song for friends and family. It's like therapy for the problematic people (drinking aside, corny jokes are your best weapons). It's like band-aid for the hurt and wounded. It's like the sound of music for the sad and lonely. It's like a comfort blanket for the hopeless. It can be a very good icebreaker for whatever occasion or situation. Laughter is free and unlimited. It's good for the heart, mind and soul, so why don't we laugh more often?

Angry People

Tuesday, April 25, 2006

I have my issues. You have your issues. We all have our own issues to deal with. There are different ways of coping and I don't think resorting to anger is one of them - definitely not. I can't seem to fathom how some people couldn't seem to control their anger, how they are consumed by so much anger and even rage in extreme cases. These people have very short fuses that anything can and will tick them off. More often than not, you would've to tread on thin ice around these people. They couldn't and wouldn't accept any criticism. It's their way or the highway. Everything will have to depend on their mood swings. Just imagine a light switch and that's literally how fast they go on and off. It scares me to think of the things that these people are capable of doing if and when the time comes that they could no longer control their anger, when they become blinded by so much anger, when rage becomes them. Maybe it's a psychological problem? I wouldn't really know. I couldn't understand either how some people could get so enrage that they seem to lose it altogether. You can no longer knock any sense into them. Anger distorts thinking. Anger makes you say and do hurtful and stupid things. Anger makes you deviate from the real issue at hand. Anger is like opening Pandora's Box, all hell breaks loose. Yeah sure, anger is an emotion, it's something that we feel whether we like it or not. We are after all, emotional beings. However let us not forget that we too are intellectual beings capable of rational thinking, of controlling our emotions and responses to any given situation - it is precisely what separates us from our cats and dogs. Things will go wrong. Things will not always go our way, or as planned or expected. So deal. Count 1 to 100 if you have to! It doesn't give you the right though to lash out on other people. We are all but in the same boat. You feel misunderstood? So does every freaking single person in this planet! So grow up and deal. I've always been a firm believer of diplomacy. Anger should (at least) be the last resort. Anger should not even be an option to begin with. For instance, powerful leaders of small and big nations alike would know that it is but common sense to exhaust all means and venues possible peacefully before even thinking about going to war. Otherwise, it will create serious repercussions and consequences in the international community. They will have to be answerable to everyone as mutual understanding, trust, respect and support will begin to falther along the way. There is absolutely nothing positive in anger. Anger only begets resentment, hate and hurt. Just as in war, there are only losers. To make it even more plain and easy, how could a simple businessman with anger management issues manage his people if he couldn't and wouldn't even control himself? How would he expect his people to respect him and to cooperate? Fear will never earn you respect. How would you expect to get your message across? How would you expect people to understand you? How would you expect people to be sympathetic towards you? I've always tried to tolerate people with anger management issues but I can only take so much. There comes a point when enough is enough. Letting them just be for the sake of maintaining harmonious relationships would just encourage repetitive destructive behavior. I believe that change should come from within but of course, they can always opt to seek for professional or spiritual help anytime. They might also want to try yoga. Who knows, they might find the inner peace that they've been looking for all this time in between stretches and meditations.

Trip ko to'

Friday, April 21, 2006

I really enjoyed Australia. Well just enough for me to want to actually live or even migrate there. I was looking forward to this year's summer or Holy Week trip to Australia because I've never been there but I wasn't really expecting much though. All I wanted was just to have a long break from work - anything just to get away. It turned out to be one of the trips that topped my favorites list. Australia was all positive vibes - place and people alike. It was all good. What I liked most is how everything is so laid back and how they have their "own" thing going on. I mean, I can barely see and feel any traces of Western or European influence around. As of the moment, Australia is the place to be - at least for me, that is. I don't care if the place is potentially boring as some may say or if shops close at 5pm. Really it's true. No kidding, they even close at 4pm on weekends! If only I could, I'd really want to try it out there for a couple of months or so. I'm actually contemplating on finding work in Australia. That is, if I get lucky. Also, I still have an existing contract until the end of February of next year so I guess I'll just have to wait and see until then. Nothing's definite yet though, I'll have to reconsider whatever options that I have next year. Hopefully, I won't chicken out when the time comes. I have this bad habit of getting cold feet especially on extra special or unusual occasions when I need to step up big time. I'd usually choose or take the easy way out as I'm quite comfortably used to how (or the way) things are already that when change presents itself, I get all shaken up. It's funny though how I often think about change but would end up getting cold feet when the opportunity of change comes knocking at my door. Sometimes I admittedly need to put in a whole lot more of effort in the things that I do. I need to push myself a little more to go the extra mile. I also think now is the best time to try, discover and experience something new and different. There's no better time than now. I'm not getting any younger anymore. I guess if I really want to make things happen, I'll have to really follow through. The culture will surely be different. The people, I wouldn't know for sure. Everyone has been fairly nice and pleasant though (except for this Mr. Russell Hilary - well he's been taken cared of by now, I'm pretty sure his superior would've already read what we had to say on their comments sheet heehee!). I know it wouldn't be all easy and fun. I would definitely need a great deal of time to adjust and blend in to the people and their way of life. After all, I've only stayed there for a couple of weeks and I was on vacation at that so I wouldn't really know how the real life in Australia would be like. Who knows, I may even want to go back to Manila after a while. Going into the unknown can be exciting, scary and difficult all at the same time but you wouldn't really know for sure, right? Sometimes you've got to take chances, you've got to take risks to know and figure things out for yourself. Whether you stumble, you fall and you get hurt, at the end of the day you just have to dust off the dirt, pick up the pieces, get up and move on. It ain't easy but it's not impossible either.

Wow Mali!

Saturday, April 01, 2006

We've all probably had some Wow Mali! experiences at some point or another. Well, I had one awhile ago. We had dinner at Heat and as we were walking to our table, there was this girl who was waving and I wasn't sure if I knew her. I was like, "You waving at me?" I smiled and waved back - as in with matching kaway pa. She looked familiar kasi. She looked like a classmate of mine in high school. I wasn't sure nga lang. It's been ages since I last saw her. I thought maybe she just gained a couple of pounds. I was just about to say her name, actually I blurted out her name already "X?!!" with matching "OMG! I haven't seen you in ages" expression when somebody rushed ahead of me. Turns out, I wasn't the one she's waving to. Talk about embarrassing! I had a good laugh though.

Stuck

Sunday, February 26, 2006

You've got to get yourself together. You've got stuck in a moment and now you can't get out of it. Don't say that later will be better now. You're stuck in a moment and you can't get out of it.

And if the night runs over. And if the day won't last. And if your way should falter. Along the stony pass. It's just a moment. This time will pass.

Respect for Thy Self and Thy Neighbor

Friday, February 10, 2006

Surely, we've all been occasional subjects or targets of unnecessary comments or remarks (read: crap) from people who are either a) tactless and/or insensitive - there's a very thin line separating the two b) insecure c) bitter - I guess envious and jealous people will fall under this adjective as well or d) worse, a combination of any of the above. Oh well, let's give these "pitiful" people the benefit of the doubt - due sympathies should be given as well. As discombobulating as this may sound, the initial assumption here is these people are usually just plain tactless - meaning, they don't really mean any harm. O nga naman, we're all guilty of saying stupid things at the spur of the moment. For as long as it's not abusingly repetitive in nature and so long as it's not something that we strongly feel about or it doesn't cross the "below the belt" standard then it's not something worth giving much thought or time of the day and energy for that matter. Most people hit or victims of such comments or remarks are quick to retaliate in the heat of the moment. I really don't think stooping to the level of these people is going to do us any good. Hate and bitterness will only consume us and worst, we unconsciously become like them - yikes! Although no matter how petty or small, whether intentional or not, such comments are most likely going to hit us real hard. It's not going to be pretty. It's going to hurt badly. Egos, prides and feelings are going to be stepped on. But really sometimes it's just best to just let it go, to shrug it off, to walk away, to laugh it off. Pretend to be ignorant (sometimes even more than we already are - for some people anyway hehe). We can't get affected all the time otherwise everyday is going to be a bad day - we'd only feel miserable. It's not worth all the hassle. It will only dampen our spirits making us feel miniscule and inferior. People can say what they want to say but at the end of the day, we know ourselves more than anybody else. We decide who we are and the person that we want to become.